Can We All Stop Jumping On Everyone?

[andywg]

reading some posts tho some people can be abit harsh to questions that may be commonly asked but the new members need to know. these may be posted somewhere else but its sometimes difficult to find where they are located!!!

Yeah, it's really hard to notice all those threads pinned at the top of the relevant sections

 

[wendywc]

I really haven't seen any threads with anyone getting jumped on... unless I'm one of the insensitive ones and I don't know it.

 

[raptorrex]

As a new member, and a person whose returning to fish keeping after a number of years, I think I’m in a good position to comment on this.

I’m totally new to cycling and the upkeep of a small tank…so like many new members here, I have asked lots of questions. I’ve also seen many new threads from people who are just setting out with their set ups. The main problems I’ve seen arise in the eagerness of some people to jump on new members and (literally) tear their set up apart. It must be quite upsetting for a totally new fish keeper to be told their entire set up is wrong and they’re doing nothing but torturing their fish!

I agree that you get some people here who are (in true Finding Nemo style) keeping a fish in the totally wrong set up…but I’ve also seen many occasions where that hasn’t been the case and I wouldn’t be surprised if the new fish keeper has taken everything back to the shop and given up! As someone stated, people come here because they care and really want to make sure their fish are happy. Not to be told to take their fish back to the shop and start again because they are stupid.

Obviously, advice can be taken wrongly or in a bad way and i'm sure that can be simply sorted out with a few nice posts.

But people need to accept that not everyone wants (or has the space for) a HUGE tank and they shouldn't be frowned upon for being in that position. I’m keeping a 10 gallon tank and once its cycled (with fish shock horror! ) I shall be adding 4-5 more fish and that will be it. I think people need to remember that we were all new to keeping fish once and we’re all here because we care about our water bound friends.

yes indeed i see your point. wait for it BUT i reply to posts often because i remember, being in the same position! when i first started here, i asked several questions, that were not answered, or dismissed. so i took myself off and did the research myself. hoping that it could be avoided, in the future. i answer many post with "how big does this grow" or " what does so and so eat". often i have no idea, but a quick google will supply the answer, and i post it! then again i am sick of being told i cant keep my community tank because, the occupants wont get on! this is often the advice of people who have never kept, my type of stock, though not always.

 

[CFC]

This is why i dont post as much any more. My style of answering questions is to get straight to the point with direct information and no fannying about and dressing it up with frills and bows, if your tank is too small or i dont think you are ready to keep a species then i will say it with no messing. Unfortunately many people see this as being harsh, mean and elitist so now i only answer questions posted by people who i think actually want to know something, or add a little comment to a thread where some not so good information has been given to hopefully guide people away from believing it.

At the end of the day what would you rather have, one good informative answer that is written in a no nonsence manner by a highly experienced fish keeper or 12 cuddly huggy replies from some people who have never kept the fish in question and have only kept fish a couple of years?

If people get upset by whats written on the internet then god knows how they cope with real life.

 

[Squid]

This is why i dont post as much any more. My style of answering questions is to get straight to the point with direct information and no fannying about and dressing it up with frills and bows, if your tank is too small or i dont think you are ready to keep a species then i will say it with no messing. Unfortunately many people see this as being harsh, mean and elitist so now i only answer questions posted by people who i think actually want to know something, or add a little comment to a thread where some not so good information has been given to hopefully guide people away from believing it.

At the end of the day what you rather have, one good informative answer that is written in a no nonsence manner by a highly experienced fish keeper or 12 cuddly huggy replies from some people who have never kept the fish in question and have only kept fish a couple of years?

If people get upset by whats written on the internet then god knows how they cope with real life.

oooh you are a brute

 

[Gnatfish]

This is why i dont post as much any more. My style of answering questions is to get straight to the point with direct information and no fannying about and dressing it up with frills and bows, if your tank is too small or i dont think you are ready to keep a species then i will say it with no messing. Unfortunately many people see this as being harsh, mean and elitist so now i only answer questions posted by people who i think actually want to know something, or add a little comment to a thread where some not so good information has been given to hopefully guide people away from believing it.

At the end of the day what you rather have, one good informative answer that is written in a no nonsence manner by a highly experienced fish keeper or 12 cuddly huggy replies from some people who have never kept the fish in question and have only kept fish a couple of years?

If people get upset by whats written on the internet then god knows how they cope with real life.

I would prefer your straight answer. I still can't see how straight to the point answers are rude.

And I'd prefer knowledgeable rudeness over nothing at all.

EDIT: For the record i "actually want to know something"

 

[jollysue]

I think Wendy is spending all her time with the huggy Betta people

I am never offended by good information and a straight answer. And CFC you shoot straight from the shoulder, mostly at the Bettas that are taking up too much room in the lfs. That should be appreciated. And I agree with Jamespond. It takes maturity and patience to deal with young fish keepers that jump to conclusions and ignore the question to demand that the poster "MUST" keep their fish in such and such highly debatable way. When I got my fronts I got lots of hollering and very few questions about my plan. But by listening I was able to garner the information I needed to impliment a plan.

I think we can help as CFC said by watching and interceding to bring maturity and factual information and suggestions when they are needed. I see the youngsters fussing with one another. I leave them alone and let them be, unless they get in trouble. It's age appropriate behavior. I do see lots of people get in trouble because they expect behavior from someone that they have not yet developed at their age.

And of course as anyone who has had experience with me knows: I love a good open discussion and endeavor to bring civility to the board and any thread I am in.

I have seen outragious behavior at times--not often-- but when I do, I will take steps to see it's corrected. That is why we have moderators and they are very good here at TFF. I will not leave and turn it over to the bullies.

This is a family forum, Darkstar is correct: We endeavor to accept one another and get along the best we can. We don't expect perfection; we accept humanity. I hope I'm close Darkstar.

 

[Darkstar]

You got it in one lol.

 

[geo7x]

This is why i dont post as much any more. My style of answering questions is to get straight to the point with direct information and no fannying about and dressing it up with frills and bows, if your tank is too small or i dont think you are ready to keep a species then i will say it with no messing. Unfortunately many people see this as being harsh, mean and elitist so now i only answer questions posted by people who i think actually want to know something, or add a little comment to a thread where some not so good information has been given to hopefully guide people away from believing it.

At the end of the day what you rather have, one good informative answer that is written in a no nonsence manner by a highly experienced fish keeper or 12 cuddly huggy replies from some people who have never kept the fish in question and have only kept fish a couple of years?

If people get upset by whats written on the internet then god knows how they cope with real life.

yeah this is another issue, some people seem to be so nice and dont want to hurt people's feelings that they dont even mention how grossly overstocked someones tank is blah blah blah.
Recently I have seen very knowledgable members (so its not like they dont know themselves) especially in the pics section replying to some people's horribly overstocked tanks etc etc, and just saying something like "love your tank, looks great" and they are doing this just to be a "goody two shoes" and not cause an argument. HELLO??? The truth is not an argument, and if the thread starter thinks that the truth is starting an argument then god help them.
As i said in my previous post, most of the time, its people taking advice badly. To be quite Frank, what really annoys me, is that more and more people are only accepting advice that they want to hear.

 

[Darkstar]

Recently I have seen very knowledgable members (so its not like they dont know themselves) especially in the pics section replying to some people's horribly overstocked tanks etc etc, and just saying something like "love your tank, looks great" and they are doing this just to be a "goody two shoes" and not cause an argument. HELLO???

Did it ever occur to you and others here that maybe ripping into someone about how overstocked their tank is, is no better than saying "love your tank, looks great"

For a lot of people the only source of information they get is from their lfs...and we all know how reliable those members of staff are in general.
So a new member comes on here looking to learn more and posts a picture of their tank. Suddenly people rip into them about how inhumane they are etc etc...well if that isn't reason to leave and never come back then I don't know what is. And what exactly have you done at this point? Have you educated that member into a better understanding of how to keep his or her fish or helped their fish?... no you haven't. All you've done is scare another newbie into never returning and creating an enviroment that turns people away from wanting to keep fish. Fishkeepng isn't an elitist club, you should be helping to promote this hobby and open it up for all.

Much better imo would be to help that person, without sounding like a know-it-all and trying to help them and inturn help their fish. Whether of course they listen is a differnt matter but at least you can rest safe in the knowledge that you tried which is far better than the feeling of ripping into someone about their tank.

 

[geo7x]

Recently I have seen very knowledgable members (so its not like they dont know themselves) especially in the pics section replying to some people's horribly overstocked tanks etc etc, and just saying something like "love your tank, looks great" and they are doing this just to be a "goody two shoes" and not cause an argument. HELLO???

Did it ever occur to you and others here that maybe ripping into someone about how overstocked their tank is, is no better than saying "love your tank, looks great"

For a lot of people the only source of information they get is from their lfs...and we all know how reliable those members of staff are in general.
So a new member comes on here looking to learn more and posts a picture of their tank. Suddenly people rip into them about how inhumane they are etc etc...well if that isn't reason to leave and never come back then I don't know what is. And what exactly have you done at this point? Have you educated that member into a better understanding of how to keep his or her fish or helped their fish?... no you haven't. All you've done is scare another newbie into never returning and creating an enviroment that turns people away from wanting to keep fish. Fishkeepng isn't an elitist club, you should be helping to promote this hobby and open it up for all.

Much better imo would be to help that person, without sounding like a know-it-all and trying to help them and inturn help their fish. Whether of course they listen is a differnt matter but at least you can rest safe in the knowledge that you tried which is far better than the feeling of ripping into someone about their tank.

It's not called "ripping into someone" thats a bit of an exaggeration . Most of it is called advice, here we care about the welfare of the fish and the people that own the fish that will either cost them loads of money for a bigger tank or will rip their other fish to shreds.
Rarely, if ever, have I seen this "ripping" business that you speak of, certainly not in the past 9 days that you have been here

 

[Darkstar]

'Rarely, if ever, have I seen this "ripping" business that you speak of, certainly not in the past 9 days that you have been here '

wow cheap dig!

 

[geo7x]

'Rarely, if ever, have I seen this "ripping" business that you speak of, certainly not in the past 9 days that you have been here '

wow cheap dig!

not really, it's just my opinion, i think people in general are just jumping to conclusions a bit quickly perhaps.

 

[jollysue]

I think unasked for advice badly offered is like door to door evangelism. It's a waste of time and breath if the people don't want to listen.

There is an old German saying, "A man convinced against his will remains unpersuaded still." It is a good piece of wisdom.

Answer the persons questions, try to offer some fishy wisdom. But I think we overstep our license when we insist on giving unwanted advice. Not that we need to lie about what we think.

In the Betta forum when a youth comes in with a VT and wants to breed him. It takes time and patience to lead the horse to water, let alone get him to drink. But the member that comes along side and answers the questions honestly and directly, will soon earn trust and may prevent a couple of dead fish for CFC's blender.

 

[Chri$]

..........and this 'debate' could go on for ever achieving little if anything.