Tell me something funny

[TwoTankAmin]

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one. After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an
S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing
S: After brief search, engine found on right wing.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

 

[Rocky998]

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one. After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an
S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing
S: After brief search, engine found on right wing.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

That is hilarious!

 

[Colin_T]

That is hilarious!

I fully agree, that is classic. However, you would need to know the pilot for a bit before writing those responses.

It would give the pilots something to giggle over while flying to their destination.

 

[TwoTankAmin]

A native comes running into the village and into the kings hut. The king asks him, "Where is messenger, have you seen him?"

To which the native replies. "It is terrible. Him fall into quicksand up to ankles."

The king then asked, "Up to ankles? Why did you not throw him vine to help him out?

To which the man replied, "Vine no good, him fall in head first."

 

[Guyb93]

We went to monkey world in Dorset in 2017 and my wife had chimpanzee manure throw around 35ft straight off her new shoes and jeans . Made my holiday hands down probably the best thing iv witnessed since boris Johnson rugby tackled that Japanese kid

 

[emeraldking]

Tell me something funny​

I'm the most sexiest man alive...

 

[Rocky998]

Tell me something funny​

I'm the most sexiest man alive...
View attachment 161472

Put you on the cover of a magazine!

 

[Fishmanic]

You must get all the goyls

 

[Rocky998]

You must get all the goyls

???goyls???

 

[JuiceBox52]

???goyls???

Girls lol

 

[emeraldking]

You must get all the goyls

"Goyls", is this word a combination of girls and boys?

 

[Fishmanic]

Its a cross between ghouls and girls

 

[emeraldking]

Its a cross between ghouls and girls

Ahhhh, like that...

 

[Rocky998]

Girls lol

I kinda figured but Idk... Lol

 

[AmyKieran]

This is a verbal joke so read it out loud :

A man and a giraffe walk into a bar

They both sit down and order a couple of beers. They both drink the beers and think ‘wow this beer is great, let’s get some more!’

This went on and on for hours and hours until both of them were very very drunk.

After they finished their last drinks, the man stood up, wobbled slightly, then stood up straight to walk away.

The giraffe stood up, wobbled and fell onto the floor, knocked out cold.

The man started walking towards the exit and the bartender shouts to the man :
‘hey mate! You can’t that lying there!’

The man responded ‘it’s not a lion mate it’s a giraffe ‘