Should you help others ?

[Guyb93]

Obviously were all here because we needed help or helped someone else I’m definitely somebody who has been help along the way but when pure ignorance is a continuous factor in people’s mistakes should we just leave them to it or carry on helping , honestly you can’t fix stupid and you can’t train logic I don’t want to go into much detail but simple things like the nitrogen cycle and that fish is too big should we waste our breath or let ignore prevail

 

[Fishmanic]

The moderators here advise you to politely correct someone if they’re obviously doing things incorrectly but dont lash into them repeatedly if they dont listen. Just leave it be. Some fishkeepers will only learn they’re doing something wrong if their fish dont thrive - or even worse, die.

 

[Guyb93]

The moderators here advise you to politely correct someone if they’re obviously doing things incorrectly but dont lash into them repeatedly if they dont listen. Just leave it be. Some fishkeepers will only learn they’re doing something wrong if their fish dont thrive - or even worse, die.

I meant personally with friends and peers . Where you can actually express your words in a less composed way, so you just say look mate get a grip Or try n explain for the 4th time

 

[PheonixKingZ]

I meant personally with friends and peers . Where you can actually express your words in a less composed way, so you just say look mate get a grip Or try n explain for the 4th time

I kind of see what you’re getting at. I have this one friend that repeatedly does this one thing that annoys me and everyone around him, but he just mint listen. I’ve tried multiple times to explain to him what he’s doing, but he’s on the arrogant side and won’t listen.

 

[Wills]

Obviously were all here because we needed help or helped someone else I’m definitely somebody who has been help along the way but when pure ignorance is a continuous factor in people’s mistakes should we just leave them to it or carry on helping , honestly you can’t fix stupid and you can’t train logic I don’t want to go into much detail but simple things like the nitrogen cycle and that fish is too big should we waste our breath or let ignore prevail

I know the feeling very well and the more you dwell on it the worse it gets. The best thing to do is to encourage them to research - show them some of the cool youtube channels with good production values to get them hooked and start the journey That way when they want advice they will listen to you.

 

[GaryE]

If you think you can help someone, try. If they ignore reasonable, grounded advice, just move on. In life or online, it's similar. There are threads I just ignore now, because they went off on the "I waited til I heard what I wanted to hear" or they took the "it works for 24 hours so it's great" approach. Why waste time fighting?
Discuss with people who discuss back. There's an enormous difference between a person who disagrees with you and is happy to discuss and maybe teach you something and a person who can't be bothered to question anything.
There are no obligations, except to be honest according to your own lights.

Yesterday, I was talking to man I had helped a lot when he was a teenager. He said things I thought were brutally selfish and predatory. Oh well. You offer what you can to people, and what they do with it is far beyond your control. You can't change people, just offer them the tools to change with if they care to. If they don't, it has as much to do with you as if they did. Sometimes, no matter how much you care, you just have to accept that.

 

[Rocky998]

I have a friend that thinks basically he can do whatever he wants and there is no requirements to keeping fish other than changing the water out and adding in some conditioner... No wonder why he has owned a ton of bettasand they have all died in under 3 months... I've tried to tell him but he cuts me off and blah blah blah. So I dont even try anymore... But we havent spoke in a while sooooo

 

[Guyb93]

I know the feeling very well and the more you dwell on it the worse it gets. The best thing to do is to encourage them to research - show them some of the cool youtube channels with good production values to get them hooked and start the journey That way when they want advice they will listen to you.

I’ve showed them brilliant aquasapers like MD and pretty much chose a stocking for them that I wouldn’t choose just to try and help suit there wants but when someone keeps buying fish like common pleco and oscars for a 110l . Give it six weeks il either have to house an Oscar or let a fish die , sometimes I feel like a safety net for idiotic plans when I already have my own idiotic plans going on

 

[WhistlingBadger]

As I tell my kindergarteners, if you're helping someone who doesn't want your help, you aren't helping. You're just being bossy.

 

[Guyb93]

If you think you can help someone, try. If they ignore reasonable, grounded advice, just move on. In life or online, it's similar. There are threads I just ignore now, because they went off on the "I waited til I heard what I wanted to hear" or they took the "it works for 24 hours so it's great" approach. Why waste time fighting?
Discuss with people who discuss back. There's an enormous difference between a person who disagrees with you and is happy to discuss and maybe teach you something and a person who can't be bothered to question anything.
There are no obligations, except to be honest according to your own lights.

Yesterday, I was talking to man I had helped a lot when he was a teenager. He said things I thought were brutally selfish and predatory. Oh well. You offer what you can to people, and what they do with it is far beyond your control. You can't change people, just offer them the tools to change with if they care to. If they don't, it has as much to do with you as if they did. Sometimes, no matter how much you care, you just have to accept that.

Problem being is I can’t ignore the problem I work with this chap and it’s there all the time

 

[Guyb93]

As I tell my kindergarteners, if you're helping someone who doesn't want your help, you aren't helping. You're just being bossy.

I like that ahahah but no this person knows I have a fish tank and knows I keep similar fish ... in a tank 5x the size so I’m a safety net ,things happen o well he can sort it for me if not il start again . It’s a loop

 

[WhistlingBadger]

Then say no. It only becomes a loop if you allow it to. As a general rule I find that it's a very bad idea to let other people's bad decisions become my problem. Fish might die as a result, but lots of fish die; I can't save them all and see no reason to try. It's even possible to become an enabler. No thanks. I make quite enough of my own bad decisions; no need to take over someone else's.

 

[Guyb93]

I kind of see what you’re getting at. I have this one friend that repeatedly does this one thing that annoys me and everyone around him, but he just mint listen. I’ve tried multiple times to explain to him what he’s doing, but he’s on the arrogant side and won’t listen.

Exactly what I’m talking about but I end up with the fish when they realised it’s a mistake , do you keep helping of just say no

 

[Guyb93]

Then say no. It only becomes a loop if you allow it to. As a general rule I find that it's a very bad idea to let other people's bad decisions become my problem. Fish might die as a result, but lots of fish die; I can't save them all and see no reason to try. It's even possible to become an enabler. No thanks. I make quite enough of my own bad decisions; no need to take over someone else's.

This is my problem I work with this person and see photos and hear about it 50 hours per week I know I should no because my 125g is big enough for these fish but I know if I dont take them there not going to be lucky and get a fast death it’s going to be months of poor water in small tank , really hard to say no when I know I can offer a solution

 

[WhistlingBadger]

This is my problem I work with this person and see photos and hear about it 50 hours per week I know I should no because my 125g is big enough for these fish but I know if I dont take them there not going to be lucky and get a fast death it’s going to be months of poor water in small tank , really hard to say no when I know I can offer a solution

...and meanwhile you might be encouraging your friend to make further poor decisions. Gotta draw the line somewhere. Where you draw it is up to you.