Tell me something funny

[Back in the fold]

I agree . Too good to not be true .

 

[gimme30]

I started crying when Dad was cutting Onions.
Onions was such a good hamster.

I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home, so I threw him out. I hate visitors.

My wife left me a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.” I’m not sure what she’s talking about. I opened the fridge door, and it’s working fine!

And finally....

What is the fastest way to have a smokin' hot body?
Cremation.

Ba da boom!

 

[Back in the fold]

My wife left me a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.” I’m not sure what she’s talking about. I opened the fridge door, and it’s working fine!

I think I know what she was talking about and pretty sure you know now too l

 

[jaylach]

 

[WhistlingBadger]

View attachment 374085

Funny story: I spent a summer cooking at Deer Haven Lodge, right on Ten Sleep Creek in the Bighorn Mountains. One day we had these two guys come in who looked like they had bought out a Cabelas store, decked out with state-of-the art fly rods, snappy fishing duds, nerdy hats, the whole shebang. They slumped in and sat at a table, complaining bitterly about how the fishing was no good. We are using the latest blah blah blah and we are such experts and there just aren't any good fish blah blah blah.

About that time, a ten-year-old kid who belonged to one of the local loggers came bounding into the restaurant carrying a willow switch with a scrap of fishing line and a hook tied to the end...and a three-pound brook trout he'd hooked with a grasshopper out of a beaver pond.

The expression on those guys' faces? Absolutely priceless.

 

[gimme30]

"Fishing" is a misnomer.
It should be called "Feeding the mosquitos."

I'm not a wrestling fan but this past summer my brother talked me into going to a midget wrestling match, claiming it would "change my life." I suppose, after a few beers, it might.
These little fellas wander around in shirts reading "I support micro violence" which strikes me as absurdly funny.
Then again, I'm easily amused.

 

[TwoTankAmin]

I want to try procrastinating but I keep putting it off.

Do gun manuals have a troubleshooting section?

I looked up opaque, the definition wasn't very clear.

I have a chicken proof lawn. It's impeccable.

Insect puns really bug me!

In case of taco emergency- Call 9 Juan Juan.

 

[WhistlingBadger]

Most of us would make terrible Vikings.

 

[AtomicFish]

Did you hear the story about the dull pencil ? Never mind it would be pointless.

 

[Fishmanic]

If you want a laugh about a real life story, read this

'Missing' Drunk Man Spent Hours Helping a Search Party Look for Himself

He helped look for himself for hours before realising who the search party was looking for.

www.vice.com

 

[WhistlingBadger]

If you want a laugh about a real life story, read this

'Missing' Drunk Man Spent Hours Helping a Search Party Look for Himself

He helped look for himself for hours before realising who the search party was looking for.

www.vice.com

I think I roomed with that guy in college...

 

[gimme30]

 

[jaylach]

Don't know if this is actually funny but it struck me as so.

A few days ago I placed an order with Omaha Steaks. Today I got an email from them full of apologizes because the delivery date was changed by the carrier. It just struck me as sort of funny that they were apologizing because the delivery would be a day sooner.

<edit>
BTW, I realize the email was most likely an automatic send that happens whenever a delivery date changes but it still struck me as funny. Actually, my orders have almost always arrived a day early but have never before gotten such an email.

 

[gimme30]

Apologies for the lousy pic, it was taken through the windshield on a snowy day and the truck was filthy.

It says WATER TRUCK. NOT ACID. NOT FUEL. IT'S H2O KAREN

 

[Fishmanic]

How a cat ingeniously catches a fish

40K views · 489 reactions | Nature and Pulls Off the Most Unexpected Fish Catch Ever #FunnyCats #SmartCat #CatFishing | Top animals videos

Nature and Pulls Off the Most Unexpected Fish Catch Ever #FunnyCats #SmartCat #CatFishing

www.facebook.com