Fishy Jokes

[grumpymole]

 

[orientmatt]

All sounds like a load of old carp to me.

 

[grumpymole]

more crappy fish jokes yay

Mummy why can't I go swimming in the sea?
Because there are sharks in the sea.
But Mummy, Daddy is swimming in the sea.
That's different he is insured.


Don't swim in the sea, A shark just bit off my foot!
Which one?
I don't know. All sharks look the same to me.


Mother: Have you given the goldfish fresh water today?
Son: No, they haven't finished the water I gave them yesterday.


What fish terrorises other fish?
Jack the Kipper

 

[Durbkat]

What is the fastest fish in the sea?
Go-carp

If fish lived on land, which country would they live in?
Finland

What sits at the bottom of the sea and shivers?
A nervous wreck.


What has big sharp teeth, a tail, scales, and a trunk?
A pike going on holiday.


What do you get is you cross a rose with a pike?
I don't know but I wouldn't put my nose too close to smell it

Man: Can I have a fly rod and reel for my son?
Fishing Shop Owner: Sorry sir we don't do trades.

Why do they call him 'Fish'?
Because he cannot keep his mouth shut.

 

[WILDER]

 

[Inchworm]

How does an octopus go to war ?
Well-armed !


Where do you weigh whales ?
At a whale weigh station !


Why are dolphins cleverer than humans ?
Within 3 hours they can train a man to stand at the side of a pool and feed them fish !


To whom do fish go to borrow money ?
The loan shark !

 

[prankster705]

Johny: My wound just opened up, you will have to stich it up when I return from surfing...
Doctor: Do you know sharks are atracted to blood???
Johny: Yea
Doctor:aren't you worried about a shark atacking you???
Johny: No, sharks are just little pupies...
Doctor: Tell me Johny who made that 40 cm long wound on your stomach, that I am gonna have to stich back up???
Johny: A shark...
lol...