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Tell me something funny

Here's one Mrs. Badger sent me:

A dad returned home to find that his 15-year-old son was out and his room looked suspiciously tidy. On his bed, which was neatly made up, was a folded piece of paper with 'Dad' scrawled across it. Alarms already ringing, his paranoia went into overdrive at seeing the note and he opened it with some trepidation.

The letter read:

Dear Dad,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I am writing you.

I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with mom and you. I’ve been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve because of her piercings, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes, and the fact she’s so much older than I am.

But it’s not only the passion Dad; she’s pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn’t really hurt anyone. We’ll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with other people in the commune. In the meantime, we’ll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so that Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it.

Don’t worry, Dad. I’m 15, and I know how to take care of myself. We'll be fine. Someday, I’m sure we’ll be back to visit, so you can get to know your many grandchildren.

Love, Joshua

p.s. Dad, none of the above is true. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report card that’s on the kitchen table. I'm over at Jason's. Call me when it's safe to come home.
so did you hear about the engineers whose car breaks down in the Arizona desert. The mechanical engineer said, "It must be the brakes. Let me check 'em out." The electrical engineer said, "I think it was something in the electrical system. Let me check it out." 3rd engineer checks something else. Microsoft engineer tells everyone to open their door then close it again, then try the key
A young, rich guy is driving his Mercedes home from the gym when an older gentleman rear-ends him at a stop light. The rich guy jumps out of his car and begins screaming at the old man, who is trying to apologize. "This is going to cost $10,000 to fix!" he tells the flustered gentleman. "You can pay me right now, or I can beat you to a pulp!"

"Oh, my," says the man. "I don't have that kind of money on me. Let me call my son; I'm sure he can help."
"You better hope he makes a lot of money, or I'll pulverize both of you," the younger man shouts.
"Yes, he's paid quite well; I believe he's some sort of dolphin trainer."
The young man scoffs as the old man dials. As soon as the son picks up, the younger man snatches the phone away. "Your old man just rear ended my Mercedes, and it's going to cost $10,000 to fix. You gonna get here and take care of that, or am I going to beat your dad to a pulp?"
A calm voice responds, "I'll be there in five minutes."

Exactly five minutes later, a middle-aged man pulls up in a jeep to see the young guy still shouting at the flustered old man. He quickly looks over the situation, then without a word rolls up his slaves and proceeds to pound the young guy until he's crying and begging for mercy. As the son helps his dad back into the car, he says, "You're welcome, dad, but for the last time, I train SEALS, not dolphins."
My sister fell and broke her humerous bone (the bone between the shoulder and your elbow). She didnt think it was very funny and wasnt laughing.
(This is a true story)
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