Carp4U
Fish Crazy
Hey everyone,
Really don't want to ruin the festive cheer but I've had an awful 3 weeks, my head is messed up, and I've honestly never felt quite as bad as this in my life before and needed to speak to some people. Being Christmas has just made my mood worse. I used to look forward to Christmas, I normally love it, but this year I've done nothing that I'd normally do and I'm really not bothered about it being Christmas, which is very unlike me.
I'm a 16 year old guy, I'm ambitious, hard-working and very passionate about my hobbies. I was a high flyer at school, getting 10 A's in my GCSE's, but now I'm at sixth form and I've struggled since I've been there with the work, and I've dropped 2 A-levels because of the difficulty and falling behind. I'm now doing 3 which I seem to manage and get on with. At school, I always feel very isolated and lonely, and bored, and don't want to be there. I've been like that for a while, very independent, I tell myself that's the best way to be but really, I'd like to have some more fun. My hobbies include anything outdoorsy, but the ones I do most often are the ones I can do on my own (like running and mountain biking). I don't really have a group of friends, over the past couple of years I've grown less social and I've not really made the effort. I talk to people on Facebook a lot (which I'm almost addicted to), and talk to the odd people in school, and talk to one friend more in particular but he seems to #29### off if there's someone else better to be with. I'm not bothered about friends, because I'm so different to the huge majority of people my age, in my character, outlook on life, behaviour and my interests. I don't see them necessary in my life, although really, I feel quite lonely. I don't go out with any people my age, the only time I see any are at work (which I don't do very often and enjoy) or school. I'm not going to make myself do things I don't enjoy doing just to make friends. I don't drink (never been drunk) and I definitely don't smoke or do drugs, I'm a keep fit addict and I'm opposed to all atupid ways of 'having fun' and I've never been to any parties. People say I'm very mature for my age, which I am, if not a bit too mature and a bit boring to be with although I have interesting hobbies. Home-wise, I don't have a brilliant life at home with my mum and stepdad, we don't share any interests and I don't look forward to going home.. put it that way. I have my two dogs who I love to bits, but I have lots of stuff to do at home and don't live like a conventional teenager, I do things that adults would do (clean things, organise stuff etc).
I just feel generally unhappy. I like and I don't like being with people, if you know what I mean, I seem to naturally isolate myself. I've felt like this for months. I know I would be a brilliant friend to someone, I would do anything for anybody and I'm very caring. But nobody seems to want to be a friend, nobody seems to initiate a conversation with me in person or on Facebook, it's always me, and then I feel like I'm being pushed aside. Maybe it's because I'm too grown up or have nothing in common with these people.. but either way, it makes me feel worse.
The link below will give you an outline of what I'll be doing next year, and what I've done this year, all stuff on my own but pretty impressive acheivements which seems to have gained me some respect, but the only people who seem impressed are adults, who always tell me how 'I'm a local hero' and 'should be so proud' and I'm always in local press. People my age don't seem to care. www.alexstaniforth2012.blogspot.com Now when you read that, you'll wonder how I can feel so down and sick of myself at the moment, but I do. I don't feel like I'm looking forward to anything.
The 3 Peaks I did (on the linked page), got me my first girlfriend. I was ecstatic. For the first time ever, I was so happy. I met her on Facebook after she saw me in the newspaper about my 3 Peaks thing, she messaged me introducing herself as someone who'd done it herself and was interested in the same things as me, and best of all she was my age, relatively local and gorgeous, and a nice person! We met up 3 times, then I asked her out for real when I realised I had feelings for her and we were together just short of 2 months. It was the happiest 2 months of my life. We had a great time, we did loads and loads of fun stuff together, based around the interests that we both shared, and new stuff that I'd never really done (cinema, restaurants etc) which i enjoyed and definitely showed her that I enjoyed, and I was suggesting that we do that sort of stuff afterwards! I really came out of my depressed shell, and became happy again, and we got to see each other once a week and I use to look forward to it so much. She began work in a shop, which began to get very busy and she was working more shifts. 3 weeks ago today, we saw each other, she stayed over and I took her out for a meal and we had fun (well, I did), then the day after she went quiet and the day after her text had no kisses on and asked me to come on Facebook. She said at first that she'd like us to be friends instead because she's so busy with work all the time, is getting little time for herself or her family who she used to be so close to and that was upsetting her, and that with her living a 30 minute drive away from me she was always rushed off her feet getting to my house etc (was never usually a problem) and that she thought it was best if we just called it a day. I tried so hard, really hard, and I was almost over-the-top and desperately trying to get her back, which I regret, and realised I had no chance of her changing her mind. I was devastated. It seemed unreal, as if it wasn't happening. I'm sure all of you have been through a similar thing. 2 months isn't a long time, but we were different to most couples, our first date was mountain biking, and I was nervous as hell, and it all seemed to unfold like a miracle! Then all the memories of the special stuff we did, places we went, started flooding back, I remembered so much, the laughs and even the stuff we said, and I started to regret all the things I thought I'd done badly or said wrong. We'd never had a fall out. I had sensed she was getting bored slightly in the last week or so of the relationship. In the 3 weeks that came, a few days after we split, we spoke like friends almost as much as we'd used to, then a week later she said she missed the hugs and said 'let's see what happens in the new year!' after previously saying that it was unlikely her workload would decrease in January (we both have exams in January but this is also a busy time for shops, and she'd also said that we wouldn't have seen each other as much as she'd have liked). She promised me we'd be friends no matter what. She then asked if I wanted to meet her that week after, which was brilliant, she nearly cancelled but went ahead with it and I'm so glad she did because that could have been the last time I ever see her. We met up as friends, and had a good night out, every seemed almost as normal! After that she went a little quiet with the texts again, and I started asking about stuff we could do the week after and she seemed hesitant and ignorant about me asking her, and kept saying she'd have to get her work rota. Looking back, I kick myself because I was always too needy, always trying to see her, but that's because I loved her and once a week surely isn't too much, is it?! Throughout all this time, she kept going in moods with me, kept trying to make me jealous, and kept changing her mind, and even started prank calling me, all of which just confused me even more and she was leading me on a bit too, then kept letting me down and I honestly thought we'd get back together again from what she was saying and the signs she was giving, so I felt happy again and I thought she felt the same way and she was missing me. I spent hours talking to people asking for advice, and I followed it, when I gave her space she kept coming running back. We finally got something organised, which I was looking forward to, and she was too apparantely, then a problem came up where her mum said she had to stay at home to look after her sister, which is fair enough, and that she wouldn't be able to go on the walk we'd originally planned. I said I'd cycle to hers and see for her a bit, if she was stuck at home, cos she had a Christmas card for me and I had one (and a present for her) and she knew I wanted to give it her. She then said we should just forget it because it seems pointless me going over there just for an hour (not for me, I was up for it!) and that it'd stop her going out somewhere with her sister for the day while she's got a day off. Surely she can let me come round for an HOUR to give her something and wish her Happy Xmas?! I found out on that Friday I was due to see her that she'd spent the whole day at home and done nothing with her sister. More lies. I went in a sulk with her for a change, she noticed and asked if she'd upset me somehow and I told her how I felt, and I was disappointed, and at first it was calm, but then she told me how she'd been meaning to tell me this but was going to wait till New Year so she didn't devastate my Christmas but she didn't think we were right for each other, that's one of the reasons we split up, and that her feelings had faded for me as we spent more time together. She said we both rushed things, and she stayed over at mine after a month of seeing each other, which she suggested and agreed to, but she said it was too much too soon. She thought we were different in lots of ways, said she didn't want the responsibility, and that she's got new friends at work and stuff who she can spend time with and that she'd now only be able to see me once a month for a bike ride or walk or whatever, so she'd changed her mind again! I was devastated all over again, because the chance of us getting back together like she'd hinted, had now gone. She said she'd felt like that about 2 days before we split up, which was when I last saw her, so I knew instantly I'd done something wrong when she stayed over but she assured me she hadn't. We had loads of lengthy discussions which I'm not going to share as you've already probably fallen asleep now! But she said there would be lots of other nice people out there, that I needed to stop feeling sorry for myself and reminiscing the past, and then worst of all, my mum saw me upset (mum had just had news that my aunt has 6 months to live so was already equally upset) and texted her off her phone, telling her she'd been cruel, treating me wrong and had taken advantage of me and messed with my head and made me think as if we're going to get back together just because she missed the attention. That was out of order, and I went MENTAL, and I apologised so much to my ex and told her how I felt... now she's using that as the main excuse as to why she won't be friends with me! She doesn't even want to speak to me, she said she wants to move on, and that there's no way we can rekindle a friendship after what mum said. She said we would have been friends to a degree if that hadn't of happened. But then again, it makes me think, she wasn't right for me anyway, although she told me all the reasons why and I made a lot of mistakes in the way I acted, although she never gave me chance to rectify them, I feel stupid now, although everyone makes mistakes in their first relationship. I might never know the full truth but I've asked what I think I need to know. I was quite bitter towards her for lying to me and taking advantage of me even though she really knew she wouldn't want to get back together as she didn't feel exactly the same way about me anymore. She was trying to hurt me as little as possible, but it seems cruel to keep leading me on.
I was looking forward to spending Christmas with her, but now it's ruined, even when she said all this a few days ago. Because of what my mum did I haven't even got her as a friend now so I feel like I've lost those memories and won't have anymore and she said that there was 'absolutely no way we'd ever have any more good times together, as it's all over' when I was trying to explain how my mum texting her wasn't my fault and apologising like mad but she kept throwing it back at me and I kept trying and her last text was: 'Please don't send anymore texts as I'd like to get on with my life now, thanks '. She promised me we'd stay friends no matter what but thanks to my mum she wouldn't feel comfortable with ever going anywhere with me, so it's as if she's just going to forget about me, and 'if I saw what mum sent her, I'd understand'. Is that a good excuse or not?! Not being friends because of what my mum said? And she told me there's lots of other nice people out there and boys she might start a relationship with.. we've spoken briefly since on Facebook, and she seems in a strop with me still, and she's been on nights out with her friends which hurts because she's moving on and having fun whereas I'm stuck here, not having fun and kicking myself for the things I did wrong, and there's nothing I can do about those things now. There's no other chance. I feel like I've lost my memories with her because her parents are refusing to let her see me again after all the trouble this has caused. Is that fair? I've done nothing wrong, she wasn't honest with me, everyone told me I was being too nice to her and I followed their advice 'treat em mean and keep em keen' and it backfired because now she's refusing to even know me and just said about how were not right for each other, even stating one of the reasons as me posting too much stuff on Facebook!?
Is it any wonder I'm confused? I've been hurt so badly whereas all I did was the best for her, treated her, spent a fortune on her, looked after her, had fun with her and was always generally nice with her, always being there for her, buying random presents. I don't know what I did wrong but it hurts not being able to do anything about it. Seems ridiculous, but in 2 months we had a brilliant relationship and I'm full of regret for my role in us splitting up, the way I acted afterwards, for what my mum texted to her and the way I finally confronted her. That alone has sunk me down to this level, and I feel awful...
Really don't want to ruin the festive cheer but I've had an awful 3 weeks, my head is messed up, and I've honestly never felt quite as bad as this in my life before and needed to speak to some people. Being Christmas has just made my mood worse. I used to look forward to Christmas, I normally love it, but this year I've done nothing that I'd normally do and I'm really not bothered about it being Christmas, which is very unlike me.
I'm a 16 year old guy, I'm ambitious, hard-working and very passionate about my hobbies. I was a high flyer at school, getting 10 A's in my GCSE's, but now I'm at sixth form and I've struggled since I've been there with the work, and I've dropped 2 A-levels because of the difficulty and falling behind. I'm now doing 3 which I seem to manage and get on with. At school, I always feel very isolated and lonely, and bored, and don't want to be there. I've been like that for a while, very independent, I tell myself that's the best way to be but really, I'd like to have some more fun. My hobbies include anything outdoorsy, but the ones I do most often are the ones I can do on my own (like running and mountain biking). I don't really have a group of friends, over the past couple of years I've grown less social and I've not really made the effort. I talk to people on Facebook a lot (which I'm almost addicted to), and talk to the odd people in school, and talk to one friend more in particular but he seems to #29### off if there's someone else better to be with. I'm not bothered about friends, because I'm so different to the huge majority of people my age, in my character, outlook on life, behaviour and my interests. I don't see them necessary in my life, although really, I feel quite lonely. I don't go out with any people my age, the only time I see any are at work (which I don't do very often and enjoy) or school. I'm not going to make myself do things I don't enjoy doing just to make friends. I don't drink (never been drunk) and I definitely don't smoke or do drugs, I'm a keep fit addict and I'm opposed to all atupid ways of 'having fun' and I've never been to any parties. People say I'm very mature for my age, which I am, if not a bit too mature and a bit boring to be with although I have interesting hobbies. Home-wise, I don't have a brilliant life at home with my mum and stepdad, we don't share any interests and I don't look forward to going home.. put it that way. I have my two dogs who I love to bits, but I have lots of stuff to do at home and don't live like a conventional teenager, I do things that adults would do (clean things, organise stuff etc).
I just feel generally unhappy. I like and I don't like being with people, if you know what I mean, I seem to naturally isolate myself. I've felt like this for months. I know I would be a brilliant friend to someone, I would do anything for anybody and I'm very caring. But nobody seems to want to be a friend, nobody seems to initiate a conversation with me in person or on Facebook, it's always me, and then I feel like I'm being pushed aside. Maybe it's because I'm too grown up or have nothing in common with these people.. but either way, it makes me feel worse.
The link below will give you an outline of what I'll be doing next year, and what I've done this year, all stuff on my own but pretty impressive acheivements which seems to have gained me some respect, but the only people who seem impressed are adults, who always tell me how 'I'm a local hero' and 'should be so proud' and I'm always in local press. People my age don't seem to care. www.alexstaniforth2012.blogspot.com Now when you read that, you'll wonder how I can feel so down and sick of myself at the moment, but I do. I don't feel like I'm looking forward to anything.
The 3 Peaks I did (on the linked page), got me my first girlfriend. I was ecstatic. For the first time ever, I was so happy. I met her on Facebook after she saw me in the newspaper about my 3 Peaks thing, she messaged me introducing herself as someone who'd done it herself and was interested in the same things as me, and best of all she was my age, relatively local and gorgeous, and a nice person! We met up 3 times, then I asked her out for real when I realised I had feelings for her and we were together just short of 2 months. It was the happiest 2 months of my life. We had a great time, we did loads and loads of fun stuff together, based around the interests that we both shared, and new stuff that I'd never really done (cinema, restaurants etc) which i enjoyed and definitely showed her that I enjoyed, and I was suggesting that we do that sort of stuff afterwards! I really came out of my depressed shell, and became happy again, and we got to see each other once a week and I use to look forward to it so much. She began work in a shop, which began to get very busy and she was working more shifts. 3 weeks ago today, we saw each other, she stayed over and I took her out for a meal and we had fun (well, I did), then the day after she went quiet and the day after her text had no kisses on and asked me to come on Facebook. She said at first that she'd like us to be friends instead because she's so busy with work all the time, is getting little time for herself or her family who she used to be so close to and that was upsetting her, and that with her living a 30 minute drive away from me she was always rushed off her feet getting to my house etc (was never usually a problem) and that she thought it was best if we just called it a day. I tried so hard, really hard, and I was almost over-the-top and desperately trying to get her back, which I regret, and realised I had no chance of her changing her mind. I was devastated. It seemed unreal, as if it wasn't happening. I'm sure all of you have been through a similar thing. 2 months isn't a long time, but we were different to most couples, our first date was mountain biking, and I was nervous as hell, and it all seemed to unfold like a miracle! Then all the memories of the special stuff we did, places we went, started flooding back, I remembered so much, the laughs and even the stuff we said, and I started to regret all the things I thought I'd done badly or said wrong. We'd never had a fall out. I had sensed she was getting bored slightly in the last week or so of the relationship. In the 3 weeks that came, a few days after we split, we spoke like friends almost as much as we'd used to, then a week later she said she missed the hugs and said 'let's see what happens in the new year!' after previously saying that it was unlikely her workload would decrease in January (we both have exams in January but this is also a busy time for shops, and she'd also said that we wouldn't have seen each other as much as she'd have liked). She promised me we'd be friends no matter what. She then asked if I wanted to meet her that week after, which was brilliant, she nearly cancelled but went ahead with it and I'm so glad she did because that could have been the last time I ever see her. We met up as friends, and had a good night out, every seemed almost as normal! After that she went a little quiet with the texts again, and I started asking about stuff we could do the week after and she seemed hesitant and ignorant about me asking her, and kept saying she'd have to get her work rota. Looking back, I kick myself because I was always too needy, always trying to see her, but that's because I loved her and once a week surely isn't too much, is it?! Throughout all this time, she kept going in moods with me, kept trying to make me jealous, and kept changing her mind, and even started prank calling me, all of which just confused me even more and she was leading me on a bit too, then kept letting me down and I honestly thought we'd get back together again from what she was saying and the signs she was giving, so I felt happy again and I thought she felt the same way and she was missing me. I spent hours talking to people asking for advice, and I followed it, when I gave her space she kept coming running back. We finally got something organised, which I was looking forward to, and she was too apparantely, then a problem came up where her mum said she had to stay at home to look after her sister, which is fair enough, and that she wouldn't be able to go on the walk we'd originally planned. I said I'd cycle to hers and see for her a bit, if she was stuck at home, cos she had a Christmas card for me and I had one (and a present for her) and she knew I wanted to give it her. She then said we should just forget it because it seems pointless me going over there just for an hour (not for me, I was up for it!) and that it'd stop her going out somewhere with her sister for the day while she's got a day off. Surely she can let me come round for an HOUR to give her something and wish her Happy Xmas?! I found out on that Friday I was due to see her that she'd spent the whole day at home and done nothing with her sister. More lies. I went in a sulk with her for a change, she noticed and asked if she'd upset me somehow and I told her how I felt, and I was disappointed, and at first it was calm, but then she told me how she'd been meaning to tell me this but was going to wait till New Year so she didn't devastate my Christmas but she didn't think we were right for each other, that's one of the reasons we split up, and that her feelings had faded for me as we spent more time together. She said we both rushed things, and she stayed over at mine after a month of seeing each other, which she suggested and agreed to, but she said it was too much too soon. She thought we were different in lots of ways, said she didn't want the responsibility, and that she's got new friends at work and stuff who she can spend time with and that she'd now only be able to see me once a month for a bike ride or walk or whatever, so she'd changed her mind again! I was devastated all over again, because the chance of us getting back together like she'd hinted, had now gone. She said she'd felt like that about 2 days before we split up, which was when I last saw her, so I knew instantly I'd done something wrong when she stayed over but she assured me she hadn't. We had loads of lengthy discussions which I'm not going to share as you've already probably fallen asleep now! But she said there would be lots of other nice people out there, that I needed to stop feeling sorry for myself and reminiscing the past, and then worst of all, my mum saw me upset (mum had just had news that my aunt has 6 months to live so was already equally upset) and texted her off her phone, telling her she'd been cruel, treating me wrong and had taken advantage of me and messed with my head and made me think as if we're going to get back together just because she missed the attention. That was out of order, and I went MENTAL, and I apologised so much to my ex and told her how I felt... now she's using that as the main excuse as to why she won't be friends with me! She doesn't even want to speak to me, she said she wants to move on, and that there's no way we can rekindle a friendship after what mum said. She said we would have been friends to a degree if that hadn't of happened. But then again, it makes me think, she wasn't right for me anyway, although she told me all the reasons why and I made a lot of mistakes in the way I acted, although she never gave me chance to rectify them, I feel stupid now, although everyone makes mistakes in their first relationship. I might never know the full truth but I've asked what I think I need to know. I was quite bitter towards her for lying to me and taking advantage of me even though she really knew she wouldn't want to get back together as she didn't feel exactly the same way about me anymore. She was trying to hurt me as little as possible, but it seems cruel to keep leading me on.
I was looking forward to spending Christmas with her, but now it's ruined, even when she said all this a few days ago. Because of what my mum did I haven't even got her as a friend now so I feel like I've lost those memories and won't have anymore and she said that there was 'absolutely no way we'd ever have any more good times together, as it's all over' when I was trying to explain how my mum texting her wasn't my fault and apologising like mad but she kept throwing it back at me and I kept trying and her last text was: 'Please don't send anymore texts as I'd like to get on with my life now, thanks '. She promised me we'd stay friends no matter what but thanks to my mum she wouldn't feel comfortable with ever going anywhere with me, so it's as if she's just going to forget about me, and 'if I saw what mum sent her, I'd understand'. Is that a good excuse or not?! Not being friends because of what my mum said? And she told me there's lots of other nice people out there and boys she might start a relationship with.. we've spoken briefly since on Facebook, and she seems in a strop with me still, and she's been on nights out with her friends which hurts because she's moving on and having fun whereas I'm stuck here, not having fun and kicking myself for the things I did wrong, and there's nothing I can do about those things now. There's no other chance. I feel like I've lost my memories with her because her parents are refusing to let her see me again after all the trouble this has caused. Is that fair? I've done nothing wrong, she wasn't honest with me, everyone told me I was being too nice to her and I followed their advice 'treat em mean and keep em keen' and it backfired because now she's refusing to even know me and just said about how were not right for each other, even stating one of the reasons as me posting too much stuff on Facebook!?
Is it any wonder I'm confused? I've been hurt so badly whereas all I did was the best for her, treated her, spent a fortune on her, looked after her, had fun with her and was always generally nice with her, always being there for her, buying random presents. I don't know what I did wrong but it hurts not being able to do anything about it. Seems ridiculous, but in 2 months we had a brilliant relationship and I'm full of regret for my role in us splitting up, the way I acted afterwards, for what my mum texted to her and the way I finally confronted her. That alone has sunk me down to this level, and I feel awful...
The thing to remember mate is you should never change to suit someone else's needs or to blend/make new friends with a certain type of group/person, Just be yourself. You will make friends with people in the future that could have similar interests as you or are interested in you for the interests/hobbies you like. Just all takes time and things will flow as you get older. The people at your school im guessing will be the same faces you have seen for years which obviously wont help in meeting new people and if no one is there that your find interesting then its going to feel boring. I mean i left as soon as i did my GCSE's as i wasn't fond of school anyway i did find it soo boring, i wanted to be out there working. So i cant say 'oh your probably bored because of this n that etc..because most probably i would be bored too. I Remember when i was at school i had my group of friends(which ive now split from) but apart from them i couldn't stand most people my age as they just acted like id iots where as Now i tend to blend better with older more mature people. I know what you mean about most people your age, im 19 and im on facebook as well, most teens you see are out in town night after night or at house parties etc... I know how it could make you think 'ohh why aren't i doing all this' but In all honesty mate your not missing out, going out for a few drinks is good now and then but all the time but trust me it gets boring. Once again its the same faces same pubs/clubs etc all really repetitive. 
