Coping Strategies

[BethK]

what do you do, when things don't go to plan?

You sometimes think you have life mapped out or an event and then something happens for that 'plan' to turn around and smack you in the face

Have you been there? I know I have but how did you cope? We all deal with life differently, some easier than others and you will always get some insensitive idiot, making a lame comment/judgment.

Can you share your strategies?

I tend to keep myself busy, then when i'm ready to talk, i go to my group of girlies for a good old b*tch sess

 

[Ashley1991]

I keep myself busy and dont stop making myself busy so i cant think about it

yesterday one of my rats died about 30 minutes before taking him to the vet to get PTS so after i got him out layed him on my bed and cleaned him up a bit and had a bit of a cry lol i went shopping with my dad to take my mind off it when i got back my mom told me lemmy my hamster was dead as well so after cleaning him up and having a little cry i put them both in boxs and burried them that was last night now im just keeping busy allllll the time so my mind cant think about it

thats probably the worst way to cope because one day everything bad will come and hit you square in the face lol

Ash

 

[BethK]

I know that feeling, bigs hugs x

 

[Ace Of Spades]

Deal with it, rather then avoiding it.

 

[seffieuk]

Its a really good question Beth and the older you get you realise there is never one single answer. I do what many people consider to be a rather stressful job, I work within education dealing with child protection and children with behavioural issues - I love my job and have learnt to step back from the emotions that are often kicking off around me, however maybe that has its own drawbacks, I have become de-sensitised to my work, but when something like a bereavement happens, be it a pet or a person, I fall to pieces and find it very difficult to cope. I have learnt though that I need to just allow myself the indulgance of grief, which of course is not an indulgance but a matter of need for your own mental health - but it took me a good many years to understand that

So now I say to myself, this is going to be hard girl, but you can do it.......

One of the hardest things I ever had to deal with ws being diagnosed with cancer - omg, you cant imagine how awful it is to be told something like that I spent days in a sort of suspended animation, but resiliance kicked in and I started to take a grip and begin the fight.

Maybe that is all we can do, allow ourselves the time overcome the worry/stress and then start to rebuild to fight another day maybe the problems start when we dont allow ourselves to be overwhelmed and then move through it because we think we are letting people down or 'what will so and so think of us'.

Stress is our bodies way of raising alarm, maybe we should listen to it, sort it out and then move forwards


Sorry for the long post

Seffie x

 

[BethK]

Seffie, thankyou for your reply, you're a strong lady

I fell into a suspended animation period, when my son was diagnosed with ASD. It felt like the world caved in and I blamed myself but I think that is a general feeling, when going through something life changing. Of course, the situation meant that my life had to be adjusted, some in ways to make it easier for my son and me and others, well, it meant my education had to be deferred, which was a big decision but in the long run, the best one.

There are some days that are still a struggle at times and they are the times that I hate being alone but that's a personal feeling.

People forget that when someone is in a position of being stressed or fragile that there are people out there ready to take advantage of them sad but true, never makes anything easier.

I'm glad you made that post seffie x

 

[seffieuk]

Seffie, thankyou for your reply, you're a strong lady

We are all strong Beth, just look at you, looking after your beautiful boy day after day - living with a child who has autism is never easy, frustrating, upsetting and joyful and sometimes all at once Autism is very misunderstood by people, which cause parents huge stress.

Have you started the Statementing process yet?

Seffie x

 

[BethK]

thankyou

Not statementing him just yet, he's only 2yrs 10 months. Dr and therapists have advised to wait a little while longer, it may make it easier. There is an infant school in my village that has a department specified for ASD, although they are not a 'special needs school'. I have had a meeting with the headmaster, who works in conjunction with my son's nursery and has said they'd happily take him in (got that in writing ).

He doesn't talk, which is the main thing we are trying to work on, he also doesn't have a sense of matching phrases up with actions (if that makes sense). But he doesn't head bang like he used to, each day is a rollercoaster but he's my little boy, the stress now, will pay off later

 

[seffieuk]

Gosh that is very lucky, having a school so close - the right school is just so important

Do you attend a support/friendship group for parents of children with ASD, they can be very good?

And how right you are, all the work you put in now will reap rewards for him later

Interestingly i am doing an afternoons secondment a week in a Special school from September, they also specialise in ASD - they have Nursery right up to 16 yrs old. I'm really looking forward to it and hope to learn much

Seffie x

 

[haowin]

Hey, sorry to hear about the news.
People take advantage of people regardless, but ive been told
'people cant take power away from you, only you can give them power' its true.
i personally dont have a plan, when people say so where do u see yourself in 5 years, i just lol, dont half get some weird faces off people . My placidity to life is probably my worst charactherstic, but its an easy going life though not very prosperous , the best way to make it through the day, ive found, is adaption which ive read your doing, which is awesome. I just take each day as it comes, adapting to whatever comes my way. be it good or bad. I kinda have in the back of my mind, there are millions of people far worse off than me, and if they can make it through the tunnel why cant i. And think of, no matter how bad the situation may appear, think of how much you'll grow from that experience that other people wont have the oppurtunity to. So through troubled times create great astonishments.
All the best.

 

[seffieuk]

So through troubled times create great astonishments.

that is great and oh so true, how often have we had awful things happen and then later on in life realise it taught us a very good lesson or allowed something new into our life.

Seffie x

 

[BethK]

Haowin, how true

I've just finished an earlybirds course, i don't drive, so the support groups are too far out for me but I have a homestart person come round 3hrs a week for a chat etc. My friends are a great help to, they know me well enough to know that even when i say 'i'm ok', i'm not, so they turn up each week for a coffee and a chat.

I take him out alot, we have a swimming session on fridays, which he loves and is swimming with armbands, no holding him back lol

 

[BethK]

Tomorrow is a bit of a stresser for me, I'm very anxious at the moment about it.

I have ti take my son into hospital for scans on his vital organs (heart, liver, kidneys). I keep telling myself it will all be ok but I just can't help thinking

 

[loraxchick]

i suppose we just accept the things we cant change. live life the best we are able. there is no rhyme or reason for most trials in life after all.
im going thru a bit of a health issue myself. it is VERY discouraging. for every step forward there is a GIANT step back. but gotta just keep living life and doing the best you can with what you have. of course support is always welcome, but often you feel like you are walking alone despite whatever support others offer. life after all is a single journey with all the people who you are fortunate enough (or unfortunate enough as the case may be) to have come along for the ride. just cant stress to much and really take in the little things (like a pretty bird or a great song) everyday! basically count your blessings. can ALWAYS be worse.
all the best with what you are going thru. Trials are never easy but you come out better on the other side
cheers!

 

[BethK]

wise and welcoming words, lora