I feel like I am failing miserably...

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Thanks everyone for your help on this. I have taken some immediate action and have a loose plan. Here are the things some of you suggested that I have done:
  • I wrapped the back and sides in black. Interestingly the fish swim closer to back glass now.
  • I have changed the water a few times (30%) since and have gotten the nitrate levels down to around 15-20ppm. I am going to keep this weekly moving forward
    • I lost a cardinal in the last water change - sucks - the other guys look good - color, swimming together, no arrested gasping
  • I got the numbers from my county's water authority - Nitrates at 3.8ppm, chlorine 0.38ppm, hardness 251ppm, sodium 29ppm, lead 0ppm, copper .37ppm - I will start using the line that does not go through the water softener - i might try timbobby's method with a larger can on standby
  • I am swapping out my large gravel and will replace with a bottom layer of aquasoil and top layer of sand
  • I have ordered a few more natural plants and grass and take out the remaining fake stuff
The gravel replacement looks like a big job and I need to move the fish to my 10 gallon tank where my guppy fry are residing - seems like a big job.

Thanks everyone for the encouragement. I am going to keep trying. My family loves to sit around the tank, so they have been supportive too.
Adding aquasoil at this point is not a great idea. There are aquasoils that actually have nutrients (e.g. Amazonia, ControSoil), and there are "aquasoils" that are basically inert (e.g. Fluval Stratum). The aquasoils that actually have nutrients will leach ammonia upon initial introduction to the aquarium. Because of this you do not want to add these types aquasoil to a tank that already has fish as you could end up with ammonia in the water column which can kill fish. The inert aquasoils are basically very expensive gravel, and it makes no sense to use them.

While aquasoils and soil can improve plant growth, they are not necessary. For example, Dutch type aquascapes like this historically used gravel. These aquascapes feature lots of stem plants which require regular uprooting, trimming and replanting which is easiest in gravel. Essentially all aquatic plants are capable of getting their nutrients from the water column. Depending on the plants you have, the nutrients already in your tap water, and the amount of feeding you're doing, you may not need to add fertilizer. However, you could look at using a liquid fertilizer and/or root tabs if you notice the plants have nutrient deficiencies.
 
do not add soil, it just makes a mess and does not help anything. If you want to use a fine gravel or sand, that is fine, but do not add aquarium plant soils/ substrates.
Thanks Colin… I thought maybe the plants would benefit, but if not, then that is one less complication for sure!
 
Adding aquasoil at this point is not a great idea. There are aquasoils that actually have nutrients (e.g. Amazonia, ControSoil), and there are "aquasoils" that are basically inert (e.g. Fluval Stratum). The aquasoils that actually have nutrients will leach ammonia upon initial introduction to the aquarium. Because of this you do not want to add these types aquasoil to a tank that already has fish as you could end up with ammonia in the water column which can kill fish. The inert aquasoils are basically very expensive gravel, and it makes no sense to use them.

While aquasoils and soil can improve plant growth, they are not necessary. For example, Dutch type aquascapes like this historically used gravel. These aquascapes feature lots of stem plants which require regular uprooting, trimming and replanting which is easiest in gravel. Essentially all aquatic plants are capable of getting their nutrients from the water column. Depending on the plants you have, the nutrients already in your tap water, and the amount of feeding you're doing, you may not need to add fertilizer. However, you could look at using a liquid fertilizer and/or root tabs if you notice the plants have nutrient deficiencies.
Wow! that is an amazing tank. I would aspire to have something so lush and beautiful. Maybe one day! Thanks for the heads up on the aquasoils. I will skip it. Maybe I will do something else with just plants in another project or something like that.
 
Thanks Colin… I thought maybe the plants would benefit, but if not, then that is one less complication for sure!
The plants can benefit from it initially but after 6 months they don't get any benefit from it and it just becomes a mess. A lot of people also have ammonia problems during the time as the soil breaks down, and fish can suffer.

Most aquatic plants take their nutrients from water via their leaves. Some like sword plants will also take in food from their roots as well as their leaves. If you want to help the plants grow, give them a complete liquid iron based aquarium plant fertiliser and keep the iron levels at 1mg/l (1 ppm). You can also buy substrate fertilisers that are tablets and you push one in at the base of plants like sword plants. Give them a new tablet once a month.
 

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