Male Opaline/Blue Gourami
http

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Female Opaline/Blue Gourami
http

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/badmanstropicalfish.com/profiles/misc_pics/Shari_opaline_female.jpg&imgrefurl=http

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Notice the difference between the two Dorsal fins, on the male it is long and reaches the base of the tail (in juveniles, it wont be so long but you will be able to tell that the dorsal fin is pointed and growing towards the tail), the females dorsal fin is much shorter and rounded and doesnt nearly reach the tail. The female gouramis usually have a much bulkier rounded belly giving them a "fatter" appearence.
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That said, looking at what you said and your problems, the shops reason for keeping them in amuch too small tank is fairly obvious

Shops turnovers are pretty fast, nothing stays in the small tanks for too long. Keeping them in the smaller tank means no territory and not enough chasing space = less aggression. Especially as when bought in, shops often have 20-80 odd gouramis per bag going in a tank... and you think you have a problem with 3?!
Shops generally have systemised filtration so the tank might me 30-40 litres but might be part of a 4000 Litre system.... The filtration would be far more efficient than that of a single tank.