I can't go on like this anymore...

[Salty&Onion]

I'm 100% sure that my mom is abusing me verbally and she does show some signs of narcissistic parenting thing, I am 100%.
She went ballistic over some potatos that I cut wrong and she kept on saying that I have done this on purpose so SHE has nothing to eat, and she even attempted to force-feed me those, but I refused so she told me to eat EVERYTHING, but I ate 2 potatos cut in 4s, but then I said I can't eat anymore and so she went ballistic ALL OVER AGAIN and she put the potatos, fried onion bits and coleslaw to BIN.
I tried to go to shop so it would take long time for me to cool down, but no, she held me down and yelled at me so I told her that the way she treats me is painful, but she COMPLETELY TURNED MY OWN WORDS AGAINST ME.

Any tips for me to commit suicide?
Or by any chance I could run away from her and leave my fish behind?
I mean.. I can't go on like this anymore.. I'm sitting on my bed crying out my eyes right now..

 

[Naughts]

Sorry to hear this.
Things won't always be this bad. do you have any trusted adults that you can tell - relative, family friend, teacher?
Your mum will be hurting too right now, she is doing these things cos she is struggling with her own life and not coping well. Does she ever tell you her problems? Can you talk to her about your dad? Maybe it is a type of grief for both of you because your dad left?

 

[Quin]

I'm really sorry that happened to you darling. Taking your own life is never the answer, ever. There are always people who care dearly about you, even if it doesn't feel like it sometimes. Dealing with something like that is really hard, and I'm here for you if you need anything <3

Talk to your mom about how she made you feel. Tell her that what she's doing is hurting you, and try to work through it together. If that doesn't work, I think that it may be time to quietly ask some friends if you can stay with them until you can find a better living situation. If you're alright with leaving your fish behind it's okay, though taking them with you would be better. What are your options for moving out? Are you a minor, or is it available for you to start looking for a cheap apartment or dorm for the time being?

 

[TheTenthDoctor]

First off as someone who has tried to kill themselves it’s an incredibly hard and difficult thing to do. The mental state one has to be in plus most suicides don’t actually succeed. If you are found you will go to a psychiatric ward. The psych ward is scary and very traumatic. If you do try you can fail and be found and sustain life altering injuries. You may even spend the rest of your life as a vegetable. Shooting yourself isn’t always successful and other methods are equally as risky. Try calling child services or see if you can get someone else to. Don’t take your life. It’s not worth it. The pain and humiliation and desperation that will follow a failure are more painful than death. Call the help line for suicide prevention

 

[TheTenthDoctor]

18002738255 call this number if you are having suicidal thoughts or are I. Emotional distress

 

[EllRog]

I really think you should speak with someone qualified to help you, I'm sure you can find a crisis hotline number online to speak to the right person. You should be proud of yourself to have spoken out for help. There is brighter days ahead, stay strong

 

[Essjay]

Have you tried contacting Childline?

Childline | Childline

Get help and advice about a wide range of issues, call us on 0800 1111, talk to a counsellor online, send Childline an email or post on the message boards.

www.childline.org.uk

 

[Naughts]

Or you can text someone here: https://www.crisistextline.uk/

 

[Fishmanic]

TheTenthDoctor's number is in the US. Call the one in the UK. Life will get better..just hang in there.

 

[Salty&Onion]

I don't really trust other people telling about my life, my neighbour who is living in a retirement home is such a tell tale and I'm afraid that she will tell my mom.
I'm not sure if I can get get a dorm or a cheap apartament as I'm only 15 and I've got just £21
3 more years of suffering with my mother..

 

[JuiceBox52]

Salty I'm praying for you please just hold on

 

[Naughts]

OK but keep thinking about it, maybe there is someone you could trust - a teacher or Doctor...
Things won't always be this bad, just hang in there.
Is there anything that helps cheer you up? Face-time a friend/ walk by a river, park, wood/ spend time with pets/ listen to music?

 

[Salty&Onion]

OK but keep thinking about it, maybe there is someone you could trust - a teacher or Doctor...
Things won't always be this bad, just hang in there.
Is there anything that helps cheer you up? Face-time a friend/ walk by a river, park, wood/ spend time with pets/ listen to music?

I listen to music for sure. Skillet's song Not Gonna Die Tonight sure keeps me going, but I can hide my paing from everyone else.

 

[Naughts]

OK, good, listen to the song whilst planning on doing something nice tomorrow. stay strong, sleep well.

 

[Guppy10]

Hang in there n do what you need to do. Believe me I have been there at your age, BUT things change and I'm glad I didn't do anything. Be strong . You are better than this n all will change in time. Iv found out I'm gonna be a grandad for the 13th time so I'm happy to be here for them