I am sorry...

AdoraBelle Dearheart

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You pointed it right ;) French is my native language.


Very possible. I proceed - sometimes a bit hardly - between different parts of my familly and close friends, being, French, English, Italian, Spanich, and a tad of German !

That's a seriously impressive amount of languages! I'm always impressed by people who are multilingual, and wish Britain encouraged kids to learn second/third languages while very young. I never had a talent for language, only managing to learn a very little German at school, and I remember none of the French I was taught I'm afraid.

It's so much easier for kids to learn other languages when taught as young as possible, while their brains are growing and absorbing so much. Waiting until we were 12-13 years old is too late really for it to come naturally.
I guess I'm included in "more aggressive members" It makes me wish the person that called me 'toxic" will read your words too.

I've read the thread :) And agree with @WhistlingBadger ! That man has some serious wisdom.

For the record though, I didn't call you toxic. The thread had become heated and gone way off topic, and you have to admit, you were arguing your points with everyone and couldn't seem to accept that we all disagreed. I did not say that you were toxic, and I don't think of you that way either! You clearly do a lot of research and often give fantastic advice. I show that by liking your comments in those threads.

What I said was;

"it's likely dissuaded many people from every sharing photos of their fish and tanks here, for fear of toxic judgement rather than helpful feedback, and taken this thread way off topic."

Since the thread wasn't about @Circus set up or water parameters, but had devolved into a seven or eight page debate - with lots of us contributing to that, not just you! I was in there too - I felt that Circus was being criticised for no reason. Her set up and fish were within the ranges Seriously Fish recommend, and I do sometimes think people who are lurking and reading, and other members, may be put off from sharing photos and videos of their tanks when they see a thread turn into an argument like that, just because they wanted to share a pics or a video of their tank. Then it turns into criticising their set up, even if that wasn't the topic.
It seemed to have turned toxic to me - that isn't saying YOU are toxic. Or anyone else is. We all have good and bad days, we all do the best we can to help, and sometimes - people with strong opinions butt heads. That doesn't mean we have to be enemies or that we disagree on everything! No grudges held here.

I might well be included in the "more aggressive member" category, I don't know. I do my best to help people when I can, I enjoy chatting with a lot of people here and I learn a lot - even from the people I've butted heads with ;) @itiwhetu, you and I have had our disagreements, right? There are topics we don't agree on, and we've argued a few times. But I still respect his experience, and like him as a person. He was extremely kind to me when I was upset about accidentally cutting my dog's nail too short, and when I lost my other dog. I appreciate that so much, B.

So even though we disagree sometimes, that doesn't have to be a big deal, or carry over to other threads and topics, and disagreeing doesn't mean an attack on you as a person. I don't think you're a "more aggressive member". We could all do with a reminder sometimes to be kind when trying to help. I do try to stick up for people if I feel they're being treated too harshly. But tone is often lost through text alone, and a language barrier can also sometimes lead to misunderstandings of course.

There are places where some people (and I'm not saying here, or any members here!) where some people are hard on newbies who have made mistakes, or if they disagree with the way that person is keeping their fish *coughreddit*cough*FB*cough* I don't want members or new people to be put off from sharing. There are kind ways to give advice without making the person feel bad, or harping on at them, when we can agree to disagree, or take it to pm rather than make a big deal out of it. That's all! No need for a big public apology or a big deal, a quiet pm to work things out is probably best :)
 

itiwhetu

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That's a seriously impressive amount of languages! I'm always impressed by people who are multilingual, and wish Britain encouraged kids to learn second/third languages while very young. I never had a talent for language, only managing to learn a very little German at school, and I remember none of the French I was taught I'm afraid.

It's so much easier for kids to learn other languages when taught as young as possible, while their brains are growing and absorbing so much. Waiting until we were 12-13 years old is too late really for it to come naturally.


I've read the thread :) And agree with @WhistlingBadger ! That man has some serious wisdom.

For the record though, I didn't call you toxic. The thread had become heated and gone way off topic, and you have to admit, you were arguing your points with everyone and couldn't seem to accept that we all disagreed. I did not say that you were toxic, and I don't think of you that way either! You clearly do a lot of research and often give fantastic advice. I show that by liking your comments in those threads.

What I said was;

"it's likely dissuaded many people from every sharing photos of their fish and tanks here, for fear of toxic judgement rather than helpful feedback, and taken this thread way off topic."

Since the thread wasn't about @Circus set up or water parameters, but had devolved into a seven or eight page debate - with lots of us contributing to that, not just you! I was in there too - I felt that Circus was being criticised for no reason. Her set up and fish were within the ranges Seriously Fish recommend, and I do sometimes think people who are lurking and reading, and other members, may be put off from sharing photos and videos of their tanks when they see a thread turn into an argument like that, just because they wanted to share a pics or a video of their tank. Then it turns into criticising their set up, even if that wasn't the topic.
It seemed to have turned toxic to me - that isn't saying YOU are toxic. Or anyone else is. We all have good and bad days, we all do the best we can to help, and sometimes - people with strong opinions butt heads. That doesn't mean we have to be enemies or that we disagree on everything! No grudges held here.

I might well be included in the "more aggressive member" category, I don't know. I do my best to help people when I can, I enjoy chatting with a lot of people here and I learn a lot - even from the people I've butted heads with ;) @itiwhetu, you and I have had our disagreements, right? There are topics we don't agree on, and we've argued a few times. But I still respect his experience, and like him as a person. He was extremely kind to me when I was upset about accidentally cutting my dog's nail too short, and when I lost my other dog. I appreciate that so much, B.

So even though we disagree sometimes, that doesn't have to be a big deal, or carry over to other threads and topics, and disagreeing doesn't mean an attack on you as a person. I don't think you're a "more aggressive member". We could all do with a reminder sometimes to be kind when trying to help. I do try to stick up for people if I feel they're being treated too harshly. But tone is often lost through text alone, and a language barrier can also sometimes lead to misunderstandings of course.

There are places where some people (and I'm not saying here, or any members here!) where some people are hard on newbies who have made mistakes, or if they disagree with the way that person is keeping their fish *coughreddit*cough*FB*cough* I don't want members or new people to be put off from sharing. There are kind ways to give advice without making the person feel bad, or harping on at them, when we can agree to disagree, or take it to pm rather than make a big deal out of it. That's all! No need for a big public apology or a big deal, a quiet pm to work things out is probably best :)
Next time you bang my head could you do it a little softer as I still have a headache from the last encounter.🤣
 

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