out of time. Mum at end stage.

[Essjay]

But in terms of being organised, I had a ring binder with those plastic pockets inside, one for each thing. So one for bank account, one for savings account, one for Inland Revenue, one for DWP, one for care home and so on. In each one was a sheet of paper detailing the date and time that I phoned, what I phoned about, what they said. Print outs of any email correspondence. Originals of any paper communications. Closing statements. Everything in its pocket so I knew where to find everything.

 

[Alice B]

OMG, Thank you!!

Do you have any tips for getting organised better?? I'd appreciate any advice around this at all, at this point! Everything I try to do, I seem to find another thing I need to do first, before I can do the previous thing, and it's getting really confusing and frustrating!

if you have some file folders and a box they will fit vertical in and label them you can save yourself some time in finding things.

 

[AdoraBelle Dearheart]

Mum had a desk and file cabinet in the smallest box room - I'll need to move it out and set it up elsewhere (most neglected room, lots of mould) but I could set that up plus a bookshelf for file cabinets and boxes of documents to sort, plus have plenty of ring binds/accordian files, plastic wallets and dividers, pens etc that mum left.

 

[AdoraBelle Dearheart]

Need to treat it more like a job/project, and at the moment the papers and files are still in chaos. I can lay my hands on the most important documents, but still struggling to wade through the rest, or get it in much order.

 

[Essjay]

File everything in a way you know where to find it again. And label it. Then as you are sorting through stuff, you can say, this needs to go in that file; there isn't a file for this yet, I'll make one now. Whether it's pockets in a ring binder, a box file, a drawer in a cabinet, whatever you need to fit everything in. You need to be able to lay your hands quickly on anything once it's been sorted.

 

[Naughts]

1) Notify people of the death. There is a ‘Tell us once’ service for all government departments, but there will be companies that need phoning individually.
2) Gather all paperwork in one place. Bank statements, utility bills, service bills, council tax, pensions, insurance, deeds…Check if any of this is digital and if so print out relevant details. A partitioned box filing system is useful.
3) See if their bank can offer an executors account to keep everything together and make payments whilst waiting for probate.
4) Have a notebook and write down what you do with the date and persons name (eg. Phoned x and closed account; phoned y who said there was an overpayment of £credit; collected death certificates and paid £debit; jewellery taken in for valuation at £cost; informed z that I would take over payments from this date) You can use post-it tabs for things that are half sorted so you don’t forget where you’re at.
5) Record all finances and keep them separate so it’s absolutely clear what is paid / received from your parent’s estate and what is paid / received by you. Even buying stamps and envelopes for use in administration of their affairs should be recorded as an expense.
6) Use a book to start recording accounts with columns for ‘item/ credit/ debit/ balance’.
7) Go through paperwork and emails to trace all companies that your mum
had dealings with.
8) go through bank/ building society statements and establish what assets were held where - you might need to cross reference if accounts were closed and moved.
9) Look at gov.uk for forms that will need completing for tax, probate etc. so you can start gathering information.

 

[jaylach]

1) Notify people of the death. There is a ‘Tell us once’ service for all government departments, but there will be companies that need phoning individually.
2) Gather all paperwork in one place. Bank statements, utility bills, service bills, council tax, pensions, insurance, deeds…Check if any of this is digital and if so print out relevant details. A partitioned box filing system is useful.
3) See if their bank can offer an executors account to keep everything together and make payments whilst waiting for probate.
4) Have a notebook and write down what you do with the date and persons name (eg. Phoned x and closed account; phoned y who said there was an overpayment of £credit; collected death certificates and paid £debit; jewellery taken in for valuation at £cost; informed z that I would take over payments from this date) You can use post-it tabs for things that are half sorted so you don’t forget where you’re at.
5) Record all finances and keep them separate so it’s absolutely clear what is paid / received from your parent’s estate and what is paid / received by you. Even buying stamps and envelopes for use in administration of their affairs should be recorded as an expense.
6) Use a book to start recording accounts with columns for ‘item/ credit/ debit/ balance’.
7) Go through paperwork and emails to trace all companies that your mum
had dealings with.
8) go through bank/ building society statements and establish what assets were held where - you might need to cross reference if accounts were closed and moved.
9) Look at gov.uk for forms that will need completing for tax, probate etc. so you can start gathering information.

I'll add a 10) Make sure to cancel any auto pay services such as cable, streaming services, etc..

 

[Naughts]

Also, Keep the files for 2 years after it has been sorted so that you are able to address any issues/ queries.

 

[Essjay]

I've still got everything 5 years on......

 

[AdoraBelle Dearheart]

You guys are amazing, thank you so so much!

I used to be better at being organised, I certainly was in my own spaces - everything was organised and clean, never too much clutter, but not minimalist either.

But now? There is so much stuff I can't easily get rid of, decades of dust to get through, mould, and even shifting furniture around means then having to deep clean, wash, let walls and carpets dry, then can finally put that piece of furniture there, you know?

So even small jobs means doing some large jobs, and it's overwhelming at times. Plus it's emotional, sorting through my parents belongings, finishing planning mum's funeral, checking in with my own GP, trying to get help from other organisations, and then also trying to get a mess of paperwork organised...

Even just "common sense" tips help, they really do! I just feel lost and drowning in it!

 

[AdoraBelle Dearheart]

But in terms of being organised, I had a ring binder with those plastic pockets inside, one for each thing. So one for bank account, one for savings account, one for Inland Revenue, one for DWP, one for care home and so on. In each one was a sheet of paper detailing the date and time that I phoned, what I phoned about, what they said. Print outs of any email correspondence. Originals of any paper communications. Closing statements. Everything in its pocket so I knew where to find everything.

if you have some file folders and a box they will fit vertical in and label them you can save yourself some time in finding things.

File everything in a way you know where to find it again. And label it. Then as you are sorting through stuff, you can say, this needs to go in that file; there isn't a file for this yet, I'll make one now. Whether it's pockets in a ring binder, a box file, a drawer in a cabinet, whatever you need to fit everything in. You need to be able to lay your hands quickly on anything once it's been sorted.

1) Notify people of the death. There is a ‘Tell us once’ service for all government departments, but there will be companies that need phoning individually.
2) Gather all paperwork in one place. Bank statements, utility bills, service bills, council tax, pensions, insurance, deeds…Check if any of this is digital and if so print out relevant details. A partitioned box filing system is useful.
3) See if their bank can offer an executors account to keep everything together and make payments whilst waiting for probate.
4) Have a notebook and write down what you do with the date and persons name (eg. Phoned x and closed account; phoned y who said there was an overpayment of £credit; collected death certificates and paid £debit; jewellery taken in for valuation at £cost; informed z that I would take over payments from this date) You can use post-it tabs for things that are half sorted so you don’t forget where you’re at.
5) Record all finances and keep them separate so it’s absolutely clear what is paid / received from your parent’s estate and what is paid / received by you. Even buying stamps and envelopes for use in administration of their affairs should be recorded as an expense.
6) Use a book to start recording accounts with columns for ‘item/ credit/ debit/ balance’.
7) Go through paperwork and emails to trace all companies that your mum
had dealings with.
8) go through bank/ building society statements and establish what assets were held where - you might need to cross reference if accounts were closed and moved.
9) Look at gov.uk for forms that will need completing for tax, probate etc. so you can start gathering information.

I'm bookmarking this page, thank you so much! Some of these things I've managed to tick off, a couple I'm working on, lots I hadn't even considered, but determined to get organised! I have the tools to do it, just to crack on really! And get myself motivated/feel brave when contacted certain authorities and companies, you know?

 

[AdoraBelle Dearheart]

Oh, I should mention, I've always struggled with mathematics, my whole life. When I was at college as a mature student before being accepted at a Russell Group university, I had to do a two year access course studying biology, psychology, and statistics. The statistics part terrified me - maths, and computers!! But luckily my lecturer, and the group of colleges director of statistics, were wonderful and helped carry me through it, almost!

The latter ended up becoming my friend and mentor during and after this course. He was a brilliant mind, a polymath, but really down to earth and fun to spend time with over coffee, lunch or visiting a museum or such. Was gutted when he passed away only a few years later.

They said I was great with the concepts, the analysis, the depth at which I wished to study, and in a scientific way - but I'd make some silly errors, like reversing two numbers without being aware of it, so I'd have to double and triple check my work.

But they suggested I may have dyscalculia, I hadn't heard of it before. It's usually linked to dyslexia, which I definitely don't have, but they said it can be a separate thing.

But the banks and tax authorites do most of the calculating for you though, don't they? The things one bank have sent in order to close dad's account said they sorted it according to the date of his death, cancelled any standing orders etc, and here's the final total to give to the tax authority, kind of thing?

 

[Colin_T]

Melatonin is found in sour cherries and eating a small bowl of them at night about 30 minutes before bed can help you get to sleep.

SEROTONIN
Exercise can help with depression. Exercise helps produce serotonin, which is a happy chemical that most anti-depressant medications try to slow the absorption of (SSRI's - serotonin selective reuptake inhibiters). By exercising for at least an hour a day (preferably before lunchtime), you produce serotonin and the SSRI's help slow the removal of this chemical from your body and brain. This helps you feel a little better throughout the day because you have more serotonin for longer.

Lots of plant matter in your diet can also help boost serotonin levels because the beneficial bacteria in our gut produce it and they like plant matter. A tablespoon of apple cider vinegar each day also helps the good bacteria by providing them with acetone, which they need to live. You can put it on chips or mix it with a small glass of sugar water and drink it.

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LIGHTS
If you have normal LED or compact fluorescent light globes in the house, they probably have a 6500K rating (cool globe) and these have more blue light in than warm globes (3000-4500K). You want blue light in the morning and during the day so a 6500K globe in the morning is good to wake you up and help with depression. However, at night you want warm globes (they look yellow when running) with the lower Kelvin rating so it simulates sunset and tells your mind and body its getting close to bed. You can use a desk lamp with a warm globe in for the evening and have a cool globe in the ceiling light fixture for the day.

Turn lights down in the evening to help make it feel like it's getting darker, which is what happens at night But less light at night will help your body clock think it's time for bed.

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Windows 10 computer operating system allows you to adjust the Kelvin (temperature) of the screen. I have mine set at 6500K during the day and at 7pm I get it to switch to 3000K. It stays at 3000K until 9am then goes up to 6500K. This way I am not being kept awake in the evening by the monitor putting out heaps of blue light. And during the day the blue light from the monitor helps me wake up and feel less like killing myself.

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BEFORE BED
Don't have a big meal before bed. Don't watch an action packed, fast moving picture before bed. Don't watch horror movies before bed. Don't play computer games that are full of action, sounds and bright lights flashing about because these help keep you awake. Don't use your phone (except to make a phone call) before bed.

I watch television before bed and fall asleep within minutes of watching it. I make sure the timer is set to turn it off 20-30 minutes later. I try to watch something boring like the news or a gardening show. Have the volume down low so you can hear it but it's not loud. Turn the room light off, lay down, close your eyes and just fall asleep. If the show is boring (not exciting) and not loud, you can normally fall asleep easily. Having a tv on before bed can help clear bad thoughts running through your head and stop you having bad dreams.

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Try to do the probate stuff yourself, with the help of others (bank, gov, community groups, etc) and if it gets too much, then pass it off to a lawyer. You don't need an advanced degree in maths, just go through things one day at a time and try to do it. There is a calculator on most mobile phones and all computers and they are good for adding and subtracting. But personally I think $6500 is a bit much to go through someone's paperwork, but I don't like most lawyers either

 

[Naughts]

You will need to do your own maths but it is basic adding and taking away. The bank will have frozen the account but there will be under payments and over payments that need settling.
As Colin said, use a calculator. Also get bro or trusted friend/ relative to check for mistakes.
I found the hardest thing for me was valuations of the house contents, it’s so subjective.

 

[Naughts]

The majority of people I phoned were super nice and sympathetic.