Think Before We Speak

[nc_nutcase]

This is in no way directed at anyone and if you think it might be at you... then read it again and think it through

When we communicate via text on the internet it is very very easy to say things in a way that can be taken different than we mean it. I know I've typed something quickly because I was tired or in a hurry to get out the door and have had people think I was being rude when in fact I was making it a point of not putting them off or blowing them off so I shot them a response real quick. Real easy to do...

Those of us who have a substantial amount of knowledge are usually eager to share our experience not because we know everything and you newbies are lost without us, but instead we want to discuss fish because we have found a true passion behind the hobby. Many of us have had experiences that conflict with the accepted norm, or with another members experience. This isn't a problem, it's the beauty of diversity!

Below are two excerpts from an email I received from someone on this list. I'm leaving out any detail as to whom it is but this is the first impression we made on him.

Also a note to people new to this list. I am also new to this list and one of the initial attractions I found to this one as opposed to the many others I glanced at is that this one seems to have the feeling of a community of friends. It is semi common for people to make an inside joke or a sarcastic remark to a friend that would appear as inappropriate to someone just showing up.

"just a quick question as you seem to know about Oscars and reading some of the posts on here i don’t want to get shot down in flames .

the reason i ask is the adverse comments pasted toward other members who keep cichlids from long term members of this board. I’m not new to fish keeping but new to Oscars"

I don't mean to make a big deal out of this, just sharing a thought that was provoked here.

(also I'm posting it here instead of chit chat because there are just so many dang posts there I can't keep up with replies and still build my pond!)

 

[rdd1952]

I am a relative newbie and this forum has been a blessing to me. I just got my first tank in December and will be getting my 5th delivered tomorrow. What an addiction!!

As you said, it is easy to take typed messages out of context sometimes. I am just glad that there are people with knowledge of the hobby that are willing to share and help us newbies who have developed the passion for it.

We all do dumb things when we start out and sometimes we need to hear some harsh words to drive home the point that what we are doing os considering doing is wrong. I have never been offended by any response I have gotten, even if it wasn't what I wanted to hear.

By the way nc_nutcase, we are practically neighbors. I'm from Mt. Holly.

 

[nc_nutcase]

the "World Wide Web" and a week into a forum and I stumble into someone that lives 7 miles from me... how amusing...

 

[nshockeyplaya]

Yea thats a problem i have, as you prob noticed nc lol. But usually i end up being in good spirits with that person in the end. This forum was also a blessing to me as a newbie and now i am much more knowledgeable when it comes to fishcare. I will try and watch what i say from now on out. Anyways, in your post you said you were not posting it in chit chat but you did i dunno if thats what you meant or not??

 

[nc_nutcase]

Again... that wasn't directed at you or anyone; although a friendly joke (or I think it was, lol) between you and I caught someone else off guard who popped up to my defense (which was appreciated). That along with the private message was the bulk of what motivated me to post that. Plus I read a few things wrong and kept my mouth shut only to quickly realize I read the wrong mood in the text.

As to where I posted it... I posted it in the New World section and the Mod moved it (friggin fraggin fraggin friggin...) Oh well... this is where it needs to be... but where I need to stay away from. I get lost in post boards too easily. Especially when there's work to be done.

 

[nshockeyplaya]

Yea i know what ya mean

 

[steelhealr]

Hi...ever been standing behind a person online at the register who had a hundred items and they let you go ahead because you had only one? how bout being in the lfs and someone walked over to you and said, " I have that one and it works great". Generosity and advice are a wonderful thing to receive here AND GIVE. Most of us have been helped by others with more experience in this forum. As we progress from apprentice to journeyman to craftsperson (or should I say aquarist), let us not forget from whence we came.We all started with a new uncycled tank. No question is a stupid one. SH

 

[nshockeyplaya]

Very True

 

[Discomafia]

Why get offended when people try to tell you something by simply saying, for example; "No way, what're you thinking, you can't keep an oscar in a 55 gallon for life..."

That should only wake you up, not make you angry. Life in general, isn't going to treat you like a 12 year old and spoonfeed advice for you. Life teaches you the lessons after you've made the mistakes, and often times, that's the only way people can understand the error of their ways...

If someone were to post like that to me, then I'd realise I'm doing something wrong, and try to change before I make any mistakes. Flames occur because of one thing (in this forum at least) and that is people's lack of knowledge. And this forum doesn't have much of that, compared to many other forums I've been to, so consider yourself lucky...

Many times when people type out short answers, others take it in the wrong way. In truth, it's harder/more troublesome to type out long advice when it's easier to just type "No" than to explain why. Lot of questions I see being asked here can easily be answered by googling around, and that may put some people off, especially the regulars.

How many times can you answer the same question? In some instances, those questions can be answered if there were a simple pinned thread about it, esp in the DIY and Plant forum, but that's another thread for another time. Plus, I think I read somewhere that the mods are already in the process of getting a few pinned threads, I can't wait.

 

[phil]

Hi Folks

I`ve been keeping fish (seriously) for about 4 months now - so I`m no expert - the good thing about this forum is that whoever you are - expert or newbie - information is shared for the benefit of the pets we keep.

Even as a relative newbie I have replied to other members of the forum to help them - likewise I have recieved a lot of help from other members (both expert and newbie)

If we end up doing something wrong - our pets suffer - surely it is best to have what we are doing wrong put right !

I believe we should all remember that messages can be misread (and misunderstood) and not take offence (unless it is blatantly obvious).

I remember a song which I think sums up what I`m saying a line goes something along the line of "you say potato, I say potaato - you say tomato, I say tomaato" (spelling of the second to emphasise the difference in pronunciation.)

All I will say I ask some stupid questions (sometimes - lol) and appreciate all the help other members give me, and if a reply seems a bit off the cuff - I sit back and count to ten, then if I still feel the same way - I ignore the reply (unless it`s got some useful advice in it )

Phil

 

[Discomafia]

That's the best thing phil, you'll only get a flame war started if you reply. Good thinking. I'm like that as well, I try not to sweat the small stuff, and receiving a few posts not to my liking in a thread defn. falls into the "small stuff" category. It just means I have more learning to do. I try not to reply if I have nothing nice or informative to say, and if I see some posts I don't agree with or a thread I don't like, I just ignore it. Simple as that.

 

[a1wonder]

Many times when people type out short answers, others take it in the wrong way. In truth, it's harder/more troublesome to type out long advice when it's easier to just type "No" than to explain why. Lot of questions I see being asked here can easily be answered by googling around, and that may put some people off, especially the regulars.

How many times can you answer the same question? In some instances, those questions can be answered if there were a simple pinned thread about it, esp in the DIY and Plant forum, but that's another thread for another time. Plus, I think I read somewhere that the mods are already in the process of getting a few pinned threads, I can't wait

While I understand where you are coming from and some times a few of the frequently posted questions get under my nerves as well, there is no excuse to be nasty towards other individuals. Flaming it an action taken by another individual to either devalue or discredit another individual and if you feel it is necessary to take this action then you always have the choice to NOT RESPOND and simply let the post die away that or mention that they might try google or doing a forums search. It a very well know fact that if you pick at a person who is having a problem the problem only escalates and causes hostility. This forum has the claim to be the friendly fish forum around and it would very disrespectful individual to tarnish that image.

 

[Discomafia]

I, Discomafia, in no shape, way or form condone, or support flaming, and I apologise if I gave you the wrong impression.

 

[OohFeeshy]

LOL I'm confuzzled. Do you mean people who have been on the boards a long time keep telling people who are new to the boards but not nessecarily new to keeping fish what to do and what not to do? As in (example post)

Mr. X(who has kept goldfish for 20 years but has only made a few posts))- My goldfish did something strange yesterday. He jumped out of his tank! Does your goldfish do this?

Mr z- What size tank are you keeping him in?You do know that goldfish grow to 1 foot long and live to 25 or more years old? What other fish is he with? You can't mix goldfish and tropicals and you need 20 gallons for one goldfish and 10 gallons for each other one.


Is that what you mean? Sorry, my brain has been frazzled by trying to beat a tall person at netball

 

[pica_nuttalli]

(example post)

Mr. X(who has kept goldfish for 20 years but has only made a few posts))- My goldfish did something strange yesterday. He jumped out of his tank! Does your goldfish do this?

actually, i suspect he's referring to someone saying to Mr. X:

"omg, wtf? obviously you are keeping your goldie in too small a tank, you horrible little man. or your temperatures are too high. why are you keeping goldfish anyways? do you not know about tropical fish?

Moron."

As the person who leapt to defend (erroneously ) ), I have to admit that yes, I feel bothered by some of the tone taken in responses to reasonable questions/topics. I also have to say that I was sorely tempted to start lecturing on nshockeyplaya, but then I realized that my reading of the text was probably more revelatory of my own attitude than it was of his. And that ironically, he also took offense at *my post* which was also intended to mostly be in jest. I'm just glad I took a breather before saying anything further, because I find my interests regularly overlapping with the yank'. I'd hate to lose a friend before I had the chance to make one. I do sincerely apologize for my overzealousness.

I don't know; I suppose I'm just adding to the evidence is all. Its so easy to project onto one another and what we choose is so dependent on our own attitude at the moment. Really, sometimes we just need to breathe. I actually think I post this as much for my own benefit as for anyone else...