Cricket Sledges/jokes

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Mr Miagi

Veins are flowing with SW, now going back to FW!
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This is just for a bit of a laugh, keep things in fun and light hearted, and nothing will go wrong! I can sense this is a bad idea already :shifty: This doesnt have to be all about the English, so get typing guys, I wanna hear some good ones! :hey:

Q. What does Geraint Jones and Michael Jackson have in common?
A. They both wear gloves for no apparent reason

Q. What is the height of optimism?
A. An English batsman applying sunscreen.

Q. What does Ashley Giles put in his hands to make sure the next ball almost always takes a wicket?
A. A bat.

Q. What would Glen McGrath be if he was an Englishman?
A. An allrounder.

Q. What advantage do Kevin Pieterson, Andrew Strauss and Geraint Jones have over the rest of their team-mates?
A. At least they can say they're not really English.

Q. What is the English version of a hat-trick?
A. Three runs in three balls.

Q. What do you call an Englishman with 100 runs against his name?
A. A bowler.

Q. What is the most proficient form of footwork displayed by English batsmen?
A. The walk back to the pavilion.

Q. Who has the easiest job in the English squad?
A. The guy who removes the red ball marks from the bats.

Q. Why is Andrew Flintoff the unluckiest English player?
A. Because he was born in England.

Q. What does "Ashes" stand for?
A. Another Sad Horrific English Series.

Q. What's the English version of LBW?
A. Lost, Beaten, Walloped.

Q. Who spends the most time on the crease of anyone in the English team?
A. The person who ironed the cricket whites.
 
Absolute best sledging ever was this (I have removed inappropriate language):

Glenn McGrath to Zimbabwean Eddo Brandes after Brandes had played and missed at a McGrath delivery: "Oi, Brandes, why are you so [...] fat?" to which Brandes replied: "Cos every time I [sleep with] your wife she gives me a biscuit!" Apparently even the Australian slips were in hysterics.

The convicts got well and truly pwn3d in that battle of wit and words ;)

Besides, we have to let you have the ashes. Can't have that big trophy cabinet empty of the ashes, Bledisloe Cup cup, Webb Ellis trophy and who knows what else for too long now can we? And you have no hope (like the rest of us mere mortals) of beating the ABs any time soon, so the ashes is the least we can do to stop you feeling down ;)
 

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