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You can always come back, but you can’t come back all the way.

Bob Dylan, our Nobel Laureate, said that
 
"If no one comes from the future to stop you from doing it, then how bad of a decision can it possibly be?"
 
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Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.
W. C. Fields

Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.
W. C. Fields

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
W. C. Fields
 
A Tom Swifty is a type of word play in which there is a punning relationship between an adverb and the statement it refers to.

"I'm no good at playing darts," Tom said aimlessly.
"I'll have the lamb," Tom said sheepishly.
"How do I get to the cemetery?" Tom asked gravely.
"I'll have a bowl of Chinese soup," Tom said wantonly.
 
“It's weird that apples bruise-like humans. I'm glad they don't scream when you bite into them.” — Phil Lester

“It's okay to be absurd, ridiculous, and downright irrational at times; silliness is sweet syrup that helps us swallow the bitter pills of life.” — Richelle E. Goodrich
 

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