Said goodbye to our beloved dog, Jack - feeling guilty as well as devastated.

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I'm so sorry for your loss 😥 its one of the hardest decisions we have to make, you did everything you could and more.
I had to say goodbye to my best friend 3yrs ago and its was the most heartbreaking decision I had to make so I understand how your feeling.
Give yourself time to heal and don't punish yourself.
Take care
 
I am so sorry for your loss, that must've been so hard:-( All your friends here at TFF are thinking of you❤️
 
Jack, in his younger, healthier years.

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I'm sobbing my heart out as I write this. I can't sleep or eat, and have to keep editing and re-writing this, because my thoughts and emotions are scattered and I'm really struggling with expressing them, but I need to get this out and try to process.
My own dog Pixie is so confused, doing her utmost to comfort me, and aware that Jack isn't here. We left it too late and should have made the decision to let him go sooner. It has been so hard to know when, since his conditions gradually became worse over time so slowly, it was harder to tell when the time had come. We just adjusted to his extra care needs as and when he needed them. We've always said about animals that we would do what we could for them, as long as they're not in pain or suffering. To weigh quality of life. That euthanasia is the right call when it reaches a certain point, and I've somehow always just known when that time has come with pets in the past.

But this time I didn't know, and when I did think the time had come, didn't push hard enough for the rest of the family to also see it, but it's so easy to hold on for too long, not wanting to lose them. But I failed him, not pushing to make that appointment sooner. He was distressed on his last day with us, and we never wanted him to suffer like that. I regret that deeply.
I know he would forgive me in a heartbeat. Dogs are like that, it's one of their many wonderful qualities. But I'm so sorry Jack. We adored you, and held on too long. I'm so glad you're at peace now, and we'll always miss and remember you.
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Jack was over 15, and had some severe health issues at the end, which gradually lead to pretty much 24 hour nursing care. Around a year ago he had his first bout of ideopathic vestibular syndrome - a doggy stroke, essentially. Terrifying to experience, for him and for us, but he made a wonderful recovery in the following days, left only with a slight head tilt, and slightly worse balance.

Over the past year, he had two more episodes of vestibular syndrome. Each time we've thought we'd lose him, rushed him to the vets, and he has surprised everyone with how well he bounced back and recovered. Yet each episode did leave it's marks, affecting his balance and mobility, and combined with his arthritis, meant he needed a sling to help him outside to use the bathroom, and would sometimes lose balance and fall over. So after the third episode, the vet saw signs that made her believe he likely had a brain tumour. That the vestibular episodes were secondary to a brain tumour. Given his age and health status, we agreed that it wouldn't be right to attempt to put him through diagnostics and treatment, and that palliative care was the only humane way to manage, loving on and spoiling him while we still could.

He also had another emergency months ago, when he suddenly had severe vomiting and loose stools, and was so weak. Rushed him to the vet, convinced we were about to lose him. The vet held him on a drip for the day, warned that while it could be something treatable like gastroenteritis, that with his age and health, that it could prove fatal, or he might have organ failure. After a long day on a drip and having blood tests, the vet was so pleased with the way he improved and his blood test results - he didn't have organ failure, and the meds and fluids they'd given him made him rally enough that we could take him home at the end of the day and nurse him here. She admitted to me when I collected him that she had thought we would lose him, and he was a special dog. He recovered over the next days. He really was a tough old dog! Scared us (and the vets, who have been wonderful, both with him and with us) so many times, but battled through.

He could no longer go on walks (he certainly showed that he still wanted to! At first), but he could still gently potter about the house, get to and from the water bowl, indicate when he needed to go outside etc. He was medicated for pain relief, and he didn't seem distressed. Even when he toppled over, he seemed to take it in stride, just getting back up again, and we padded the floor with soft matts and cushions. Still always had an appetite, enjoyed fuss and being groomed while sitting in the sunshine. So with our vets blessing, we committed to nursing him as well as we could, until he showed some sign that it was time.

Over the last few months he had been having a slowly increasing number of 'episodes', where he'd wake and cry in the night - often needing to be bathed since he'd been losing bladder control recently, or just needing some reassurance before going back to sleep. But as soon as I let him scent my hand and stroked him, he'd stop crying. He'd also sometimes have "episodes" where he'd seem almost in a trance, feeling compelled to circle, around a table leg or a person, leaning for balance since his mobility was poor. But those episodes were infrequent and short at first, and he didn't appear distressed; just a compulsion where he wasn't really fully aware. I had talked with the vet about it, and she thought it a result of the brain tumour pressing on a certain part of the brain. These episodes gradually increased in frequency and duration, sometimes needing to sit with him and support him so he didn't fall for 30-40 minutes until he seemed to snap out of it and calm down. Some nights he'd sleep peacefully through the night, but on occasion recently he'd wake 4-5 times a night and need comfort or a bath. These increasing episodes were what made me think the time had come to let him go, that he was upset when he cried of course, and the episodes showed his tumour was becoming worse. We didn't want him to be distressed or suffering, and I spoke to our vet about his condition and if it was the right time two weeks ago. I should have listened to my instincts.

On Thursday after he'd had rough night, waking often, we had finally agreed that he was ready to go, and arranged for the vet to come to the house this coming Monday, the soonest the vets could do a home visit. For a few reasons, we really preferred a home visit over taking him to the practice, and we'd managed his conditions for around a year now, so spending a few more days spoiling him and saying our goodbyes seemed possible. But at 4am Friday morning he cried, and I couldn't calm him from this episode. I tried everything, but he barely seemed aware of anyone, and he was agitated and struggling to get up to circle constantly, it lasted for hours.

I called the vets as soon as soon as they opened, and they were fantastic. Understanding our issues with bringing him to the surgery, they said they would come to the house that day, and call us when they had finished with surgeries to let us know they were on the way. I hadn't been able to calm him since 4am until the vet arrived at 1.30pm, but the moment the vet called and said they were on their way, he relaxed into the grass and calmed. It was as if he knew it would be over soon, and he no longer had to be anxious. They were so compassionate and professional, and he slipped away peacefully, in the garden, surrounded by people that love him.

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My condolences to you and your family as I understand completely!
 
My sincerest condolences for your loss, AB...the pain such a thing brings can seem unbearable at times, but subdue and soothe that pain with all of the fond memories you have of your beloved Jack...I'm sure no one could have treated him better, or given him the care and love that you and yours blessed him with...you WILL be reunited with him one day, I am sure of it. I will pray for you and yours today, if that is OK.
 

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When our beautiful girl Ginny was taken from us unexpectedly three years ago, I was given the below on a card from a friend...true words
 

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My sincerest condolences for your loss, AB...the pain such a thing brings can seem unbearable at times, but subdue and soothe that pain with all of the fond memories you have of your beloved Jack...I'm sure no one could have treated him better, or given him the care and love that you and yours blessed him with...you WILL be reunited with him one day, I am sure of it. I will pray for you and yours today, if that is OK.
Now you've gone and made me cry again!
 
So sorry for you loss. Years ago I had a poodle named Spike (he would take on anything). He died after a long fight with liver cancer. Nothing could ease his pain. We had to carry him outside to go potty (and help him lift his leg) - I'm sure he was humiliated. Like you I think we waited too long to have him put down and it was an awful experience to endure. I decided at that point NO MORE DOGS. So no dogs in my life unlil a large 9 month old Basset Hound show up at our shelter. Her name was Delilah. We brought her home after having her spayed and she was such a character and made our family so happy. For 3 yrs in a row she won the Halloween dog contest - with even a simple outfit -coyboy hat and bandana. The next year she was a construction worker complete with tool belt and a hard hat (with a big flower glued on it. The third year was the hardest as she had become afraid of tape measures (she easily became phobic of things) but she was a lovely pink ballerina complete with crown. I didn't put her through it after that due to her tape measure phobia, plus she was getting grumpy with other dogs at the park - shortly after that, at age 8. she was diagnosed with a very rapid form of Lymphoma and her behavior became erratic - she wouldn't eat and barely would drink, I couldn't get her in the house once she was outside, Then I was hospitalized with pneumonia and my daughter had to check on my pets at least once daily. Eventually I told her to take Delilah in to the vets and haver her euthanized because she was in so much pain. I could only talk her through it on the phone - I didn't get the chance to hold my big baby as she died. This time I WILL not get another dog. I had to have euthanized all three that i've owned as well as all my mother's pets - I can't go through that any more. Plus my life expectancy may be very short (they've been telling me 5 yrs for the last 15 yrs - but I know I'm getting worse. I would hate to have to re-home a dog. I've al ready got a very healthy, but old cat and off course all the fish. I think the fish and tanks will sell easily but I can't find anybody that will agree to take my cat so I guess I'll have to find a way to live longer than her - for once I just hope I have a pet that passes away in her sleep.

Take your time to grieve - your puppy deserves that much but quit beating yourself up about "waiting to long" , it sounds to me like you waited just long enough, I'm sure she suffered - almost all do but you gave her the ultimate gift of having her euthanized at home in a familiar spot with all her friends and family. I wish the vets around her offered to do that.

After the grief lessons somewhat then you'll know it's time to get another dog. Surprisingly, there are many purebreeds in shelters but any more about all our shelter gets is PitBulls. I love that breed but wouldn't adopt one without knowing the parents of the dog to make sure he/she wasn't ever bred for fighting. Almost all in the shelter have scars so you know it was likely they were fought or offered as a bait dog; I don't think I'm talented enough to care for a the psychological issues of a dog like that. Wishing you the best. Now I'm crying too...
 
Thank you everyone, for the kind words, the support, and for sharing your own stories, thoughts and prayers. I truly appreciate all of you! I've wanted to reply to everyone individually, but also bought me to tears too much, needed a couple of days alone. I will try to answer some people individually over the next few days when I can. ❤️
I'm sorry this bought some people to tears! I was crying along with you. Just shows how much our furry family members mean to us. I've always said that anyone who isn't devastated when they lose a dog or cat has no business keeping them. They become part of the family, and we grieve when we lose them.

I know that over his 15 years, Jack bought so much joy and laughter, that all of that outweighs the pain we're going through now. It was worth it. The sadness that he's not here with us any longer will stay, but the raw pain part will ease in time, letting the better memories come back and take over the harder ones. He will be at the rainbow bridge, pain and confusion free, playing with our other dogs and cats that met him there.
 
Chances are that we won't be getting another dog. While I was growing up, my family always had two dogs at a time, and always at least 1-3 cats as well! Along with birds, fish, and when I was a child, the usual range of small pets like rabbits, guinea pigs, rats, hamsters etc. A pet mad house with a lot of animals, which was a lot of fun!

But the current circumstances are that my parents are elderly now, and I moved back in just before covid hit in order to help them manage. Bringing my dog, Pixie, parrot, Oscar, and cat, Leo with me, to join their dog Jack, their parrot Max, and their small birds, fish, large outdoor pond etc. They've not been replacing pets as they've passed away from old age anymore, since understandably, they're not able to tackle as much animal care as in previous years.

Pixie grew up here because I'd been staying with them when I went back to uni as a mature student, and it was finally a good time to get my first dog of my own -at 30! I'd never done so before because working long hours while single, in rented places, didn't seem right to get a dog then, no matter how much I wanted to! I had my cat, who had shown up at my door as a stray kitten, and my parrot, who I've had since I was 16. So I got Pixie as a pup while living with them, she grew up with Jack and it was easier to manage a puppy when there was always someone home, and a large, secure garden.

(pro-tip from hindsight: Never a good idea to get a pup in January, in the UK! Housetraining was miserable, lol! Spring/summer/autumn much better seasons to be taking a pup outside and waiting for them to pee all the time!)

Then Pixie, Leo and Oscar came with me when I moved out again, but I often dropped Pixie off with my folks when I had to work longer hours, like a doggy daycare. So it's always been like a second home for her, and they adore her as much as they love Jack. When I took Pixie on special outings to places like the beach, I'd pick up Jack too, so he could go on adventures further afield than my folks could manage. Was a good arrangement that worked for everyone, and meant that despite technically Pixie being my dog, and Jack my mum's dog, they were both more like family dogs.

Leo, my cat, passed away last year, at 17. While we've always had both cats and dogs, all but one of the cats was a stray we ended up taking in, or a pet someone no longer wanted that we agreed to have. We haven't had another cat since Leo passed, but we have been feeding a neighbours cat that seems neglected, and has been trying to move in! He's often in fights with other cats, sometimes wounded, ungroomed, always hungry, and has been thin. So while I wouldn't usually encourage feeding a neighbour's pet, or trying to steal them! In this case, it might be a good thing for all involved. We'll see on that front...

But given my parents health and age, they don't want to go through raising a puppy themselves. It would be me who would take on training and outings etc, and that wouldn't be fair on Pixie. She tolerated my paying attention to Jack, grudgingly and with reminders to share, because he was here before she was! But she would push in front of him given a chance to make me fuss her instead, and gets very jealous if I stop to fuss other people's dogs while out on a walk, barking at me in protest! She's my shadow dog. While she loves my folks too, she makes no secret of the fact that I'm her person, and the only one she'll listen to when I'm in the room. She would hate to have to share my attention with a needy puppy, or even an older dog. I genuinely think she'd be heartbroken, and feel replaced. So I won't be getting another dog myself, while I still have Pixie, and my folks don't think they could manage, and have reached the point where they don't want the work or the potential upset.

They still get to see and love on Pixie though, so that's something, and we still might end up adopting this cat! ❤️
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