Quips And One-Liners

[ShinySideUp]

I like quips and one-liners but I don't know many, anyone got any examples? Here is the only one I can think of at present:
 
"So, Mrs. Lincoln, apart from that, what did you think of the play?"

 

[Akasha72]

Have you ever read any of Terry Pratchett's books Mr Shiny? He's great at one liners. Satire is (or was) his big thing. Your mind is following the story and he'll suddenly drop is a one liner that'll have you sniggering out loud and everyone around you wondering what's suddenly so funny

 

[Seanthebusdriver]

Winston Churchill came out with some of the best,
 

Lady Astor: "Winston, if you were my husband I would flavour your coffee with poison" 
Churchill: "Madam, if I were your husband, I should drink it"​

Sir Winston Churchill​

Spike Milligan's gravestone

 

[Fishmanic]

Henny Youngman, a united states comedian of yesteryear, was called the king of the one liners.
 
https/www.youtube.com/watch?v=KVGVJGX--o0

 

[Fishmanic]

and don't forget Groucho Marx
 
https/www.youtube.com/watch?v=s1HUfjTrCIM

 

[Baccus]

The all time best one for insults and one liners was William Shakespeare which I did have a collection of somewhere.
 
But for now one of my favourite quips is by Sir Winston Churchill " I may be drunk Madam but you are ugly in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly". Although this quote is often attributed to Sir Winston Churchill it has actually been around for much longer than him in some form or another.
 
Although a most fitting quote that I often say at work is " Doing a good job in this place is like having a pee in a wet suit, gives you a warm feeling inside but nobody else notices".

 

[eaglesaquarium]

Although a most fitting quote that I often say at work is " Doing a good job in this place is like having a pee in a wet suit, gives you a warm feeling inside but nobody else notices".

 

 

[Fishmanic]

Here's a booklet loaded with one liners..
 

I'd like to be rich enough so I could throw soap away after the letters are worn off. Andy Rooney

Success is getting what you want; Happiness is liking what you get. Dad

A friend is a giftt you give yourself. Robert Louis Stevenson

What matters is not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog. Coach Bear Bryant

Don't wait for your ship to come in; Row out to meet. It. Dad

Marriage is like an empty box. It remains empty unless you put in more than you take out. Dad

By all means marry; If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one you'll become a philosopher. Socrates;

In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock. Thomas Jefferson
 
Choose a job you love and you'll never have to work a day in your life.  Confucious
 
You'll never get a second chance to make a good first impression.    Dad

 

[Baccus]

Would you like a misquote?
My ex-brother in law came out with this doozey that still makes me chuckle.....
 
'I dont like that guy, his eyes are too close to his head"

 

[Far_King]

I don't usually use double-entendres but I do like to slip one in now and again.
 
And on a more serious note:
 
Even the greatest swordsman can be beaten by a stroke he's never seen.
 
To err is human, to forgive is divine. 

 

[NickAu]

To err is human, to blame it on somebody else is even more human.

 

[Baccus]

To err is human, to blame it on somebody else is even more human.

 
Except when your the one wrongly blamed

 

[ShinySideUp]

I don't usually use double-entendres but I do like to slip one in now and again.
 
And on a more serious note:
 
Even the greatest swordsman can be beaten by a stroke he's never seen.
 
To err is human, to forgive is divine. 

Man walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre, so the barman gave him one.

 

[Akasha72]

 

[eaglesaquarium]

Never heard of anyone being born halfway up a wall.  That must be some feat for the mother to do.